


When The Levee Breaks

by Krit



Series: Let It Rain [1]
Category: Cut & Run - Madeleine Urban & Abigail Roux
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Family Feels, Fluff, Friendship, Gaslighting, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Violence, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Book 9: Crash & Burn, Post-Part & Parcel, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovered Memories, Recovery, Slurs, Therapy, Victim Blaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:13:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24699637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krit/pseuds/Krit
Summary: Ty has always kept secrets from everyone. He just didn't know he was keeping some from himself.After the dust settles, Ty's mind can't ignore the past anymore.The more he chips away at the past, the more his life makes sense, the more he gets answers to questions he never thought to ask.Just how deep can betrayal run?Just how much can a person take?And what will it take to come back from it all?
Relationships: Julian Cross/Cameron Jacobs, Liam Bell/Preston, Ty Grady/Other(s), Zane Garrett/Ty Grady
Series: Let It Rain [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1965073
Comments: 76
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please heed the tags. This story is going to deal with some heavy stuff.  
> There is also not a concrete plan for this beyond the outline.  
> So, characters and tags may be added.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185411642@N05/50398183116/in/dateposted-friend/)

Ty woke, nauseous and gasping. The weight on top of him was smothering. He opened his mouth, but couldn’t make a sound. Something was wrong. Something... the bed under him was soft, and all he wanted to do was bolt off of it.  
  
“Baby?” The weight on top of him shifted. The voice was wrong. Why was it wrong? It was... “Baby, are you awake?” Worried. Cautious. Gentle.  
  
“Zane!” Ty finally gasped out. He hadn’t even noticed he’d been hyperventilating. He sat up slowly and Zane shifted away, staying close, but not touching him.  
  
“Nightmare?” He asked him softly. Ty jerked his head, nodding, even as he shrugged.  
  
“I don’t remember what it was. It wasn’t... I don’t know. I just woke up scared. Confused.” He let out a shuddering sigh as his breath evened out, and rubbed his hands over his face. “That was weird. Different.”  
  
“It’s only been a few months since...” Zane sighed. “It makes sense that your mind is still a little jumbled, trying to sort everything out. I don’t know if you noticed, but your life recently got turned upside down, shaken, and pulled inside out.”  
  
Ty barked out a weak laugh. “Yes, I’d noticed a bit of that, yeah.”  
  
“Well. I’d say you’ve got every right to be a little off for a while.”  
  
“Yeah” Ty mumbled, leaning back against Zane as his husband wrapped his arms around him. His stomach twisted. “I think I might be coming down with something.”  
  
“Let’s go back to sleep.” Zane kissed his shoulder and Ty squirmed, wriggling out of his grip and burrowing back under the covers. Zane chuckled. “I’ll make you breakfast in bed in the morning. If you’re still feeling sick, we’ll keep the shop closed and I’ll stay home with you while you rest.  
  
“You don’t have to do that.” Ty mumbled from under his pillow. “I’m fine. Just... I’ve been queasy lately.”  
  
“Hm. Maybe you’re pregnant.” Zane mused as he settled back down next to him.  
  
“You’re good, but you’re not that good.”

~*~

  
Zane made good on his promise. He even managed to make a breakfast that was plain enough to settle Ty’s stomach, but didn’t taste like cardboard. Ty dozed most of the morning, the cats curled up on top of him, while Zane sat on the bed next to him, reading. When Ty would drift awake, Zane would pick up one of the poetry books, and read aloud until Ty drifted back asleep.  
  
They wandered downstairs in the afternoon and cuddled up on the couch in front of the tv. When they’d gotten home from Eli’s road trip, Zane had mentioned it to his sister, and after a five minute pause she insisted that they watch a movie called PS, I Love You.  
  
It was a good movie. Ty was positive Eli had seen it.  
  
Ty snuggled up to Zane, pressing his face against his chest, sighing happily when Zane tightened the arm that was wrapped around him, holding him closer.  
  
The movie ended, and Zane flipped through Hulu before settling on some old cartoons. Ty closed his eyes. Trying to just rest and relax.  
  
But something was wrong. He could feel it prickling the back of his neck. Twisting in his gut. Zane hadn’t moved. But suddenly, his arm around Ty wasn’t comforting and comfortable anymore. It was too tight. Restricting. Holding him down. He tried to make himself sit up, he wanted to sit up, to stand, and move, and run, and hide.  
  
And he had no idea why.  
  
“Ty?” Zane’s arm moved, his hand going to rub his back. “Are you cold? You’re shaking.” He gripped the back of Ty’s neck, rubbing his thumb into the pressure point that the knots liked to form on. Ty always loved it when he did that. He moaned quietly, willing himself to calm down. He didn’t know what was wrong with him lately.  
  
“I’m gonna take a shower.” He whispered, finally pushing up to sit, blinking and shaking his head.  
  
“Baby, do you want me to take you to the doctor?”  
  
“No. No, I’m fine. Just a bug, or something. Making me all wonky.”  
  
“Okay.” Zane didn’t sound convinced. But he rubbed Ty’s back one more time before getting up and stretching. “I’ll get started on dinner. Take your time, and food should be ready when you’re done. Then we’ll go to bed early.”  
  
“I’ve been sleeping all day.” Ty murmured as he got up.  
  
“Yeah, well, you’re sick. You’re supposed to rest, and eat, and let me take care of you.” He kissed Ty’s cheek and received a weak smile in return.  
  
“I’m gonna take a shower.” He repeated, heading up to the bathroom.  
  
His limbs felt heavy. Why was he so tired? His stomach was settling a bit, but still felt off.  
  
He stood under the water, staring at the drain. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong.  
  
A knock on the door almost startled him off his feet.  
  
“You fall asleep in there?”  
  
“No.” He called out shakily. He turned the water off and got out, drying himself absentmindedly. “I’ll be out in a minute.”  
  
“Alright. I brought the food up. Just come to bed.”  
  
Ty fumbled his way into a pair of sweatpants and followed the smell of mashed potatoes and chicken to the bedroom.  
  
The bed was soft and inviting. His husband was warm and affectionate. Ty couldn’t understand why his instincts were telling him to run. That he was in danger. That something was wrong.  
  
When they finished eating, Ty was exhausted. He’d slept the whole day, why was he so tired? Maybe it was the flu. He grabbed Zane’s wrist and pressed the palm up to his own forehead. Zane chuckled.  
  
“No fever. Actually, your skin is a little cooler than usual.” His expression shifted to concern and he felt for Ty’s temperature in earnest, stroking his face. When he held Ty’s cheeks in his hands, an involuntary shudder ran through Ty, and he flinched away.  
  
“You were shivering earlier, too.” He murmured. “If you’re not feeling any better in the morning, I’m taking you to a doctor.” Ty didn’t even argue. He just slithered under the blankets and pillows and curled up. Zane kissed the patch of skin that was visible, most likely his arm, and patted the pillow over his head. “Sleep, little sidewinder. Feel better. That’s an order.”  
  
“Yes, sir.” Ty murmured as he drifted off.

~*~

  
Ty did feel better in the morning. And not just because he didn’t want to go to the doctor. They had another lazy day, Zane not wanting Ty to push himself, even if he did feel better.  
  
When they found themselves on the couch again, Ty took the opportunity to show Zane just how much better he was feeling. Nuzzling against him, Ty pressed soft lazy kisses to Zane’s neck as the tv played something he wasn’t paying attention to.  
  
Zane kept his eyes on the screen, but an amused little smile ticked up the corner of his lips as he slid his hand up Ty’s shirt. Ty sighed a quiet little moan as Zane rubbed his back. He wrapped his own arms around his husband and resumed his detailed exploration of Zane’s neck and jaw.  
  
Zane’s hand slid down to squeeze gently at Ty’s ass. Ty pressed up into the touch, moaning encouragingly as he felt his adrenaline spike. He had been so exhausted lately, and just feeling so groggy and nauseous, they hadn’t had more than chaste kisses and cuddles for over a week.  
  
To be fair, Ty did love kisses and cuddles. But he loved the rest of it, too. And he missed it. Zane’s hand slipped under the waistband of Ty’s sweatpants, his hand hot on the soft skin of Ty’s ass. Rough fingers teasing and exploring. Ty whimpered, his breath caught in his throat as he rocked his hips, trying to get Zane’s fingers where he wanted them. Zane’s other hand reached over and tugged at Ty’s t-shirt.  
  
“Take this off for me, sweetheart.” He murmured.  
  
Ty tried to obey, but his hands wouldn’t move. He felt dizzy. And strange. Like he was getting vertigo while sitting on his couch.  
  
“I-“ his voice cracked and caught in his throat. His stomach twisted. And the comforting and arousing embrace of his husband set off his claustrophobia again. He felt his mouth water as his stomach dropped, and he scrambled off the couch, running to the bathroom, nearly tripping over his own feet as his vision blurred and sharpened.  
  
He could hear Zane’s worried voice and hurried footsteps follow after him as he he threw up, his face was cold and sweating, and his hands were shaking.  
  
“Baby, what’s wrong?!” Zane burst into the bathroom and rushed to Ty’s side. As his hand gripped Ty’s shoulder, his stomach lurched again.  
  
“Don’t touch me!” He choked out. He could feel his eyes watering as he gasped for breath. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me!”  
  
Zane was already on the phone with the doctor.


	2. Chapter 2

If Ty never had to hear the word “stress” ever again for the rest of his life, he would die a happy man. The doctor had been less than useless and Ty left the urgent care office feeling worse than before. The overall diagnosis was that there was nothing physically wrong with him.

Which is how he ended up sitting on his bed, staring down at his phone where he had pulled up his brother’s number. Ty wondered if it would all go away if he just ignored it. Pushed it down, locked it away, if he just-

He heard the broken wounded sound before he realized it had come from him. He felt pressure in his head and his chest. Like he wanted to cry. He didn’t understand it. He pressed the call button without thinking about it.

His brother’s cheerful voice cut through the mounting ache in his chest. Everything was okay. It had to be. Ty delved into a bit of small talk, asking after the girls, mocking him for their new fancy cappuccino machine.

“So, why did you really call me?” Deuce’s voice was calm and pointed.

“What, I can’t just call to check in and chat?”

“You can. And you do. But you didn’t today. Something is wrong. So tell me what’s wrong.”

“That’s just it.” Ty’s voice went rough and quiet. “I don’t know.” The words poured out after that. Everything he had been feeling, the dreams he couldn’t remember, the past week of nausea. The more he talked, the more he felt like he was going crazy. “It doesn’t make any sense!”

“Most of that sounds like standard depression and anxiety.”

“But I’m not depressed, and I’m not anxious!” Ty growled. “I’ve been over and over this, I know how my brain processes my ptsd. This... this is different.” He sighed. “I just feel... wrong.”

Deuce was silent for so long, that Ty pulled the phone away to check that the call haven’t disconnected. When he spoke again, it was with his Shrink Voice.

“The panic attacks. You said they’ve been happening when you and Zane are together?”

“Yeah. Fucking cuddling is setting off my claustrophobia now. Which has never really happened before. I mean, sometimes, but... never with someone I cared about or trusted.”

“And the nausea?”

“The same. And it’s weird. He touches me, and I feel the same way I always do. But I also feel... sick. Almost like I’m scared. It feels good, but my body just-.” He scoffed. “If I’ve developed an allergy to my goddamn husband, Imma be pissed.” He drawled.

Deuce was silent again. Ty cleared his throat pointedly.

“When exactly did this start?” His voice was quiet. Strange. Ty had only heard that tone a few times in his life. Deuce was scared.

“A week? Maybe more?”

“What’s the first thing you can remember? The first moment of panic without any of your normal triggers, the first nightmare you couldn’t remember, the first wave of nausea. What’s as far back as you can remember?”

“Um. It was the dreams first. A couple weeks ago.”

“What happened the day before that?”

Ty sighed. “I don’t know, man! Spent the day at the bookstore? No. Wait. I stayed home. I went over the paperwork for the cabin.”

“The what?”

“The cabin. Uncle Jack’s cabin.” Ty snorted. “He left it to me in his fucking will. Which... I don’t even... Maybe he never got around to updating his affairs after he and Uncle Dick decided to kill me. They both left me money. Which is... just fucking hilarious. Can you believe that? Maybe not leaving me anything would’ve looked suspicious. And they figured they’d just update everything after I was dead.”

“Didn’t you used to go out to that cabin with them?” Deuce’s voice was quiet and careful.

“Yeah. They used to take me hunting Labor Day weekend every year. You always did summer camps and shit like that, I don’t think you ever came with us.”

“No, I didn’t.” Deuce whispered, before clearing his throat. “I, uh... I have a friend. A colleague. In DC. I know it’s a bit of a drive, but I’m gonna give you her contact info and shoot her an email. I want you to set up an appointment with her. I think...” Deuce broke off, his voice cracking. “I think... you should talk to her. I think she can help.”

“Deacon, what the hell is wrong with me?” Ty asked, quietly.

“Nothing. Do you understand me? There is nothing wrong with you, Beaumont.” He sighed. “You’ve been through so much. The brain is a tricky bitch. Just... promise me you’ll be honest with Doctor Maji. Please? She’s good at what she does, and I know her, and I trust her. So please just be honest with her, okay?”

“I promise. Thanks, Deuce.”

“I love you, big brother.”

“I love you, too.”

~*~

Dr Barsha Maji reminded Ty of his mother. She was younger than Mara, but older than Zane. Her dark brown eyes were warm and kind. She held herself in a way that was non threatening, but also made it clear that she took no shit from anyone. He recognized her from a photo in Deuce’s office. It was from some conference or dinner or some such.

There were posters in her waiting room. He’d been staring at one when she called him in.

“I have one of those.” He said, gesturing to the image of a tiger sleeping on a moss covered statue while her cubs played.

“A tiger poster?”

“A tiger.” He smiled slightly as she opened and closed her mouth a few times. “I have a pet tiger.”

After a moment, she just crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, prompting him to explain. She wasn’t going to entertain his usual tactics. Wasn’t going to let him get a rise out of her, or derail things. Deuce chose well.

“There’s a big cat sanctuary in Texas. I befriended a bengal tiger there, and my husband adopted him for me. He lives at the sanctuary, not my house. Even Zane has limits when it comes to giving me what I want.”

Dr Maji chuckled and beckoned him to follow her as she turned back to her office. “Come in. Have a seat.”

Ty followed her and sank down on the leather couch. It was far more comfortable than he expected. The room had a lot of wooden furniture and house plants. There were boxes and shelves with all sorts of toys and books. There was no desk. Just two tables with chairs. One of them smaller and seemed to be for children. Ty pulled his legs up under him, rocking slightly as he rubbed the wedding ring tattoo on his finger.

“Do you have any pets that live with you?”

“Cats.” Ty offered, distractedly, as he continued to examine the room. “Small ones. Normal house cats.”

“You like cats?”

“The ones that don’t try to kill me. Though, to be honest, I do kind of respect her, too.”

“That’s fair.” She stood in front of him, holding out a black and white plush cat. It was the size of its real life counterparts and had floppy limbs. Ty raised an eyebrow.

“His name is Blackjack. Trust me.” She shook the stuffed animal a little and he took it. It was soft. That super soft microfiber fake fur. Ty held it to his chest like he did with Cricket sometimes. Its little head tucked under his chin.

“Blackjack is a good name.” He said quietly. “My husband has an eidetic memory. He can count cards. He’s really good at it. But he prefers poker. It’s funny, you’d think gambling would be a problem for him. But I think because it’s not actually gambling for him. He plays poker like he plays chess.”

Dr Maji sat down on a nearby armchair and cocked her head. “Yes, Doctor Grady warned me that you would go off on tangents to avoid talking about things you’d rather not.”

Ty narrowed his eyes. “Of course he did.” He grumbled. “Doctor Grady is a little snitch.” He drawled mockingly over his brother’s title, pouting.

“He is. He also told me you’re having nightmares. Can you tell me about those?”

“I don’t remember them.” Ty groaned. “That’s half the problem.”

“What about when you wake up? What then? What do you feel and think?”

“I’m... scared. Confused. I feel trapped. Like I’m in danger. But-“ He sighed heavily. “I get like that all the time, right? I’m claustrophobic, and I have ptsd from my time overseas. I’ve experienced all of this shit, but never like this. This is different.”

“Yes, it is.” Dr Maji agreed. “There are many forms of trauma. Many different ways that people process things. Depression and anxiety can manifest in many forms.”

“Cherry Vanilla Depression? All the misery with none of that pesky functionality?” He grumbled.

Dr Maji snorted and shrugged. “Basically. It makes sense.”

“Does it?”

“You’re grieving.”

“What? No I’m not.” Ty scrunched his face.

“Over the span of three years, you lost three of your uncles, one of whom was your mentor and a father figure.” Her voice was soft and gentle. Like she was trying to tell him something he didn’t know.

“Yes, and I also found out that all three of them were crooked bastards who were using me and setting me up!” He snapped. “I’m not grieving them!”

“You loved them.”

“Yeah! I did! I loved them as much as I loved my own parents! I would’ve done anything for them! I’d’ve given them anything! I gave them everything! They took everything from me!” Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized that he was shouting. But Dr Maji didn’t so much as flinch. “They took everything from me until there was nothing left. Used me until there was nothing left. And then they were just gonna throw me away! Like I was nothing to them!”

The room lurched and his insides went cold. He couldn’t catch his breath. He felt sick. He squeezed his eyes shut and dropped his head, Blackjack’s soft fur against his face.

“Tyler.” Her voice sounded far away. “Can you breathe for me? Nice and slow.” She told him when to inhale, counted to five, and had him exhale as she counted to seven. Over and over until he was breathing normally on his own again.

His eyes were watering, but the idea of crying made him go still with terror. “I was nothing.” He whispered. “Just a little toy soldier for them to play with.” His head pounded. Thoughts and words on the edge of his brain. The tip of his tongue. There was something he was missing. Something he was supposed to know. It was like in New York, staring at all the pieces and knowing that he knew the answer, was looking right at it, and couldn’t make it out.

“Tell me about the cabin. The hunting trips. What were those like? Walk me through it.”

“What?” Ty shook his head. Confused. What did that have to do with anything? It was nothing. It didn’t matter. “We spent a weekend in the woods shooting rabbits every year.” He shrugged. “It was fun, but nothing memorable.”

“Try and remember something. Anything. Tell me something specific. One detailed story, however short, from those trips.”

They all blurred together. The trees. The cabin. He couldn’t pick out any specific memories. Learning how to handle a gun safely. Sitting on the couch, curled up next to his uncle with a mug of hot chocolate. Sitting in front of the fire, roasting marshmallows while his uncles laughed and told stories.

He couldn’t remember any of the stories. He remembered sitting on the couch. He remembered the dark. It was so dark out in the woods. He could hear snoring. He was laying on a big soft bed, and it was dark and quiet. Shooting a hunting rifle. His uncles cheering and laughing. A hand ruffling his hair.

“I...” Ty opened his eyes, blinking as he shifted the plush cat in his arms. “I had hot chocolate.” He said steadily. “Every night before bed. We’d sit on the couch and they’d talk while I had hot chocolate.”

“And then what?” He liked her voice. It was calm. Nice. He shook his head rocking slightly.

“What do you mean?”

“Hot chocolate was your treat before bed? What was the rest of bed time? Did they tuck you in? Read you a story? When you were a teenager, did they let you have a splash of something extra?”

“I don’t...” Ty sighed and closed his eyes again. “I don’t know. I don’t remember. What does it matter?”

He tried to think. Played it in his head. He remembered sitting there. The mug in his hands. His Uncle’s arm around him. He tried to remember further. But there was nothing. The images just repeated. There was nothing more. The more he tried, the more his mind pushed back.

“It doesn’t matter.” His voice was clipped. “It was nothing. There’s nothing. I probably fell asleep on the couch. Or just went to bed. Why would I remember that?” He shook his head, his hands fidgeting with the toy cat. His head hurt. He felt nauseous again. “I’m gonna be sick again.” He murmured.

“Bathroom is right in there.” She pointed to the door next to one of the bookshelves. He had assumed it was a closet.

Kneeling on the floor with the door shut and locked, Ty dry heaved painfully as he finally let himself cry. It was okay to cry in the bathroom if he was quiet. He was safe in there. He had one arm braced on the toilet seat, and he rested his forehead on the crook of his elbow. He still had Blackjack clutched tight in his other arm. He couldn’t stop crying, and he didn’t know why.

“Tyler? May I come in?”

“Door’s locked.” He rasped. “I can’t get up.”

“I have a key. I won’t use it if you don’t want me to.”

“It’s okay.” His voice was small. He didn’t recognize it. “You can come in.”

He heard the door open and looked over to see her sit on the floor in front of the sink, leaning against the cabinet. She looked comfortable. Like she’d sat there a million times, talking to her patients as they freaked out in her bathroom. She probably had.

“The other day. You got sick like this. Enough to go to the doctor. To call your brother. To come see me. Tell me about that day. What happened?”

“Nothing.” He groaned. “I was feeling better. Garrett and I were on the couch. I was happy. We started getting frisky. Everything was fine. And then...” His stomach gave another lurch.

“What exactly was it that made you sick? When you say you were getting frisky, do you mean making out, having sex-“

“What, you want a play by play?” He let out a humorless laugh.

“If you’re comfortable with that. We want to understand exactly what’s happening, right? Details matter. If you tell me as much as you feel comfortable telling me, I think, together, we can put the pieces together.”

Ty sighed and nodded, sniffling a bit as he sat up and back on his heels, moving to cross his legs and settle Blackjack in his lap. Dr Maji held out a damp washcloth. He hadn’t even noticed her getting it. He cleaned his face and set it on the floor.

“We were cuddling on the couch. I was feeling better and I wanted to fool around. I... I started kissing his neck, he put his hand up my shirt and rubbed my back. It was nice. Lazy and comfy. It felt good. I was fine. Just....” He cocked his head to the side, thinking back. “It felt like... I was excited and nervous at the same time.”

“Anxious?”

“Scared.” Ty whispered. “I was scared. Everything was fine. I was home, with Zane, in his arms. That’s one of the safest places I ever am. And I was happy. Everything felt good, and I liked it, and it was fine, and something was wrong, and I was scared. I wanted to keep going, but I also wanted to run away.” He shook his head. “The safest place in the world is in his arms. But lately I just feel trapped.” He felt himself begin to shake, his eyes burning.

“What are you afraid of? What will happen if you don’t get away?”

“I don’t know. It’s just... bad.” He shook his head, haphazardly wiping the fresh tears from his face. “It’s not what will happen... I think...” He curled his fingers, focusing on the soft fake fur in his hands. “I think something happened.” He whispered. “It feels like... I left the oven on. Or... I was supposed to tell someone something. Or I’m supposed to be somewhere. Like I lost something. Something important. But I don’t know what it is.” He rocked himself slowly, his eyes slipping shut again. “It’s not Zane. It’s...” He opened his eyes, staring at the patterned floor tiles. “Deja vu.” He murmured.

A water bottle entered his field of vision. He looked up, and Dr Maji was smiling at him gently. He took the bottle from her. “It’s okay.” She told him. “Keep going.”

He drank the water slowly. “I don’t understand. I’ve never had a problem with sex before. Even when I was a teenager. I’ve always been a natural at it.”

“How do you mean?”

“I mean... sex has always been easy for me. It’s... how I communicate half the time. Hell, seduction and honey pots were always the easiest angle in my undercover work.”

“You had missions where you had to seduce people?” It was a clarifying question. No real inflection or hint of how she felt about the idea. No right or wrong answer.

“It was one of the weapons in my arsenal.” Ty shrugged. “I was a highly trained, and extremely skilled spy and assassin. I would say that’s classified, but it turns out, it was all unsanctioned lies and bullshit.”

“You were trained to seduce people as well as kill them?”

“Yeah. I was trained for every possibility. I was the best. Weapons, interrogation, seduction, you name it. I was the best.”

Dr Maji nodded, watching him carefully. “Who taught you all of that?”

“A few people. My uncles, mostly.” Ty shrugged.

“They taught you how to seduce targets?”

“They taught me everything.”

“Can you tell me about your training?”

“I-“ Ty stared at her, not quite seeing her. “What?” He couldn’t understand the question. Couldn’t think of the answer. It was like the time he arrived at the airport in Texas and spent ten minutes trying to figure out why he couldn’t read the French signs before he realized they were in Spanish.

“Can you tell me about how you were trained? Any moment in particular. Something specific.”

“I don’t-.... I.... They... He...” Ty’s mouth and throat were dry and his fingers fumbled with the water bottle. He tried to think. Tried to remember. Every time he grabbed for a memory, it was gone. Like opening a door and barely seeing what’s inside before it’s slammed shut in your face.

Like trying to remember a dream.

_Waking up afraid. A big soft bed he couldn’t get out of fast enough. Hands on his skin. Holding him. Touching him._

_**‘Take that off. Let us see you. Look how beautiful you are.’** _

_A solid body pressed behind him. A hand on his hip and one around his neck._

**_‘Turn your head like this. Look at them out of the corner of your eye. There you go. Good boy. Lick your lips, and they’ll be so busy staring at that mouth, they won’t even see the knife in your hand.’_ **

_A mug being taken from his hands. Someone picking him up. Curled up in someone’s lap. Hands on his face, in his hair._

_**‘Such a good boy. You wanna be good for us, don’t you?’** _

_It was all he wanted. All he ever wanted. Proud smiles and hands ruffling his hair, patting him on the back. He wanted to make them proud. He had to be good. Stay quiet. Stay still. He couldn’t cry. He had to be good for them, or they would be angry._

Ty could hear a low sound echoing in the small bathroom. Like a trapped gut shot animal in the woods. He couldn’t figure out what it was until he realized it was him. He was curled over, rocking back and forth with his head in his hands. He could hear Dr Maji’s calm, gentle voice telling him it was alright. That he was safe.

“No!” He shouted. “No! I can’t!”

_He couldn’t. He had to. Sitting on a big soft bed in a room that smelled like cedar. He had to get away. He had tried to get away. He didn’t want to. Someone slapped him. His face stinging. He couldn’t cry. He wanted to be good. It hurt and he wasn’t allowed to cry. A voice in his ear and laughter from somewhere else in the room. He tried to get away. He couldn’t stop crying._

**_‘I don’t bottom well.’_ **

_Hands on his wrists. Hands on his hips. Holding him. Pinning him down._

_**‘How are you so good at this?’** _

_Sharp smiles and hungry eyes. The thrill of being wanted._

**’ _I’ve always been a whore’_**

_Desperate. Scared. Anxious. Always the same response. The same instinct. He knew this. Fighting and fucking. Sex and murder. It’s who he was. A killer and a whore._

**_open your mouth - you’re a natural at that - good boy - i love you - it’s okay nick, just kiss me, it’s okay - so beautiful - be good for me - i gave you an order - i’m betting nick’s fucking waiting for you with a nice warm bed - do you know how valuable you are - don’t cry - scream for me_ **

Ty screamed. A broken hollow sound. The doctor had been right. He was grieving. He just hadn’t known why.


	3. Chapter 3

It was dark by the time Ty made it home. Dr Maji had let him take a nap in her office. He cried himself to sleep, clutching Blackjack to his face. When he woke, she made him drink another water bottle and eat a granola bar before she let him drive home. He texted her when he parked to let her know he made it okay.

When he walked into the townhouse, he could smell pork chops and homemade applesauce. The kittens twined themselves around his ankles, crying for his attention. He watched them for a moment, marveling at how big they’d gotten, before scooping them up, and heading into the kitchen.

“Honey, I’m home.” He said softly. When Zane turned to look at him, the pure love and worry etched into his face ripped a choked whine out of Ty, as if he’d been sucker punched. He set the cats on one of the chairs, and opened his arms as Zane crossed the room to him.

They just stood there for a moment. Clutching each other tightly. Ty buried his face in the crook of Zane’s neck and took a shuddering breath. He was home. He was safe. He was loved. Everything else could be sorted out later.

“You know you can tell me anything, right? You don’t have to. But you can. I love you. I’m here. Whatever it is.”

Ty squeezed him as hard as he could before pulling away. “I know. And we’ll talk later. I’m fine. I just wanna eat and shower. I’m exhausted.”

“You look like you’ve been crying. I’ve never seen you like this before. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“No. But I will be. I just need to be sad for a while.”

“Why?” Zane held his shoulders, looking at him with confusion. Ty met his eyes and wrapped his hands around Zane’s wrists, trying to force a smile.

“Because if I let myself react to this with rage, none of us are going to survive it. There’s no one left to be angry at. And if I lash out...” He closed his eyes and took a slow shuddering breath. “I want to.” He whispered. “I probably will. But right now...” He opened his eyes again. “Right now I just need to grieve.”

Zane looked like he wanted to push the matter further. Wanted to know what the hell was going on. Ty had spent half the drive back trying to think of how to tell him. But Ty had said he would talk about it later. And Zane let it go.

They didn’t talk much while they ate. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, just a tired one.

“The breadcrumbs probably aren’t good for her.” Zane mused as Ty snuck Cricket a piece of his pork chop.

“I talked to your sister when I got them and she sent me a list of foods. What’s good, or bad, or okay if it’s just a little.”

“Alright then. I suppose that means the other one is going to continue to get away with stealing my hot wings?”

“No, the bones are bad for them, they could splinter and hurt them. If they want some, break the meat off for them.”

Zane chuckled and nodded, and the smile Ty gave him was genuine. Life was what it always was. That hadn’t changed. Wouldn’t change. They didn’t get to take anything else from him ever again. He wouldn’t let them.

He felt better after his shower. More like himself. He pulled on his softest pair of sleep pants and one of Zane’s old tshirts that smelled like cigarette smoke and paint no matter how much he washed it.

Zane was already sitting in bed, reading, and Ty leaned against the doorframe for a moment, staring at him. Zane looked up and raised an eyebrow, smiling softly. Ty moved to the bed and climbed in, pulling Zane to lay down so he could wrap himself around him, his head on Zane’s chest. Zane wrapped one arm around him and stroked his still damp hair with the other.

Once Ty started speaking, he couldn’t stop. He fumbled over words and phrasing, not knowing how to explain everything. What he remembered. The new light that it cast on... everything. He hadn’t really even begun to really process how he felt about it all.

“Can _I_ react with rage?” Zane asked when he was done. His voice was quiet and calm, and his hands were still gentle. But Ty could feel the tension under the surface.

“I’d rather you didn’t.” He admitted. “I don’t know what’s gonna happen from here. I’m so tired just from opening all this up that I don’t really have the energy to react anymore. It’s so much, and I-“

“Shhh.” Zane kissed the top of his head. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. We’ll figure it out together. You need to fall apart? I can be the strong one for a while. You, worry about you, for once.”

“Thank you.” Ty turned his head to press a kiss to Zane’s chest. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, doll.”

Ty smiled as he felt his body grow heavy, sleep beginning to overtake him. “Can you leave the light on tonight?”

“Of course.”

~*~

The first few days were tentative. Neither of them quite knowing how to move forward. Ty’s nightmares got worse. The past flooding back. Memories and anxieties blending together in his mind, making it impossible to rest. Every thought and emotion that he had locked away and buried deep, back with a vengeance to make him feel everything he had avoided for so long.

He took it in stride at first. He didn’t know what else to do. Just let it come, experience it, and let it pass. He strolled into the bookshop one afternoon with a wide eyed, almost manic look on his face and announced to Zane that he had just spent four hours sitting in the bathtub, crying under a cold shower.

“It was,” he proclaimed with a humorless grin “ _very cliche_. I don’t know whether to be proud or embarrassed, so I’m just gonna go with ‘well, that happened’, and continue with my day. How are you?”

Zane did what he could. Trying to keep things going as normally as possible, while being a solid foundation for Ty. His anchor. Letting him float through this storm without getting carried out to sea. And Zane could feel the storm rising. He knew that Ty was doing everything in his power to get through this as cleanly as possible. If that was possible at all. He was trying so hard to be healthy and rational and not fall back on every destructive coping mechanism he’d clung to for thirty years.

Zane could see the violence behind those sharp green eyes. He could feel the springs coiling under Ty’s muscles when he held him. Ready to bolt. To run and hide and run further until the world stopped suffocating him. Ready to lash out. He was a warrior. He needed to fight.

He suggested that Ty start going on runs more often. Dr Maji agreed, it was a good way to release that pent up energy. Ty’s mind wanted a physical opponent to fight, a tangible challenge to overcome. But there wasn’t one. So, he needed a way to feel like he was doing something. Moving forward.

So he ran.

Every day. Sometimes for hours. He’d run until he couldn’t move. Lay on the ground or hobble into a cafe or diner. Let himself just feel _done_. It was a stopgap measure. To keep him from exploding before they found a better solution. His entire reality had upended yet again, and there was nothing he could do but ride it out.

He took the train to DC every Monday and Friday. They all agreed it was better if he didn’t drive after his sessions. She helped him sort through what he could remember. To get an understanding of it all. It was a lot more complicated than he thought it would be. After two weeks, and four sessions, he found himself overcome with a bone deep frustration. Feeling like he’d made no real progress at all. Not even knowing what it was he was even trying to accomplish.

He went for a run, and it only wound him up more. He sat on the patio with a drink and a cigar. He played with the cats. He pulled out his guitar. He went to the book shop and rearranged shelves for three hours while Zane grew more and more concerned.

“Are you sure you don’t want-“

“I don’t need help!” Ty shouted, startling the kittens and the few patrons in the shop. “And I sure as fuck don’t need you hovering and fussing over me every five goddamn minutes! I’m not a child and I’m not some swooning damsel! I’m a grown ass fucking Marine, and I don’t need you to constantly-“ He snarled as Zane grabbed his arms. He hadn’t even noticed him crossing the room.

“Hey, it’s okay, just breathe, okay?”

“Get your fucking hands off me!” Ty shoved him hard, Zane’s shoulder and head smacking against the shelves behind him. Ty stormed off towards the kitchen and Zane sighed, rubbing his head. He gave a weak smile and wave to the old woman staring at him, before following his husband.

“Baby?” He called out tentatively, slowly stepping into the back. He saw Ty watching the electric kettle boil, his hands braced on the countertop. “Hey.” He said softly. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Ty snapped. “I throw a fucking hissy fit, and _you’re_ apologizing to _me_? Jesus _fucking_ Christ, Garrett!” He pushed away from the counter and grabbed Zane, shoving him up against the wall. “Fucking push back! Why won’t you push back?!” He slammed his hands against Zane’s chest.

Zane growled and grabbed his wrists, spinning them around to slam Ty’s back against the wall, pinning his arms up next to his head. “What do you want from me?” He asked, desperately. He didn’t know what to do. He was so afraid of hurting him, but treating him gently only seemed to be driving them both crazy.

“I want you to be normal!” Ty cried out. “I want one goddamned thing in my entire godforsaken life to be normal and familiar and not ripped away from me!” His face was red and his eyes were watering. “I want to hold on to one fucking thing! I want-“

Zane pressed their lips together. It was the only thing he could think of. Ty wanted normal? Predictable? He wanted Zane to be the same old familiar bastard he always was? Zane could do that. This was their normal. They had been so cautious around each other. Barely touching, hardly even kissing at all anymore. It wasn’t like them.

Ty shuddered under him, letting out a moan that sounded a bit too much like a whimper. But he returned the kiss, sliding his tongue into Zane’s mouth, and shifting his legs to let one of Zane’s slip between them. Zane groaned at the rough grind of their hips. It had been too long. And now that Ty had made that first move, had put this back on the table, Zane didn’t ever want to stop. He had missed this.

Ty could feel a dozen emotions warring in the back of his mind, churning in his gut. Pounding in his chest. Stop. Go. Yes. No. More. Goodbadwrongpleasurelovefearshame **want**. He decided he didn’t care how he felt about it. He didn’t care what he was supposed to think or feel. He wanted his husband.

“Fuck me.” He panted harshly.

Zane let go of his wrists and cupped his face, pulling back enough to look him in the eye. Ty’s face was wet with tears, flushed cheeks and bloodshot eyes. “Are you-“

“If you ask me if I’m sure, I will punch you in the throat.” Ty’s voice was rough, but steady. He grabbed Zane’s shirt and held him close. “You haven’t touched me in weeks. And I don’t know what hurts more. The idea that you don’t think you can anymore, or the idea that _you don’t want to_ anymore.”

“What?! No. Baby, no, that’s not-“

“They took so much from me. I need to know it wasn’t everything. I’ve nearly lost you because of them, so many times. I need to know that I didn’t. I need to know that you don’t think I’m broken.” He kissed him roughly before trailing his lips to Zane’s ear. “And so, I’m gonna need you to bend me over that counter, and fuck me like you stole me.”

Zane felt like the breath was punched out of him. He grabbed Ty by his waist and pulled him over to the counter. He turned him in his arms and pushed him down, gripping the back of his neck as he pressed Ty’s face and chest onto the marble countertop. Zane bent over him, pressing a kiss to his temple.

“If you need me to stop. To pause, to slow down. You tell me.”

“I will.” Ty whispered. “And you’ll listen.” He said it as though it was a statement of fact that he knew as sure as he knew his own name. And he did. He knew he was safe. He was in the safest place in the world. Zane’s hands on him, warm and familiar. Opening his jeans and pushing up his shirt. Wet kisses on his back. Slick fingers rubbing at his entrance.

“I love you.” Zane murmured, voice firm and warm as he pushed his fingers inside, opening him up. He was careful and gentle, but only in the way he always was when it had been a few weeks since Ty bottomed.

“Zane.” Ty breathed out, the name turning to a whine at the end as his husband’s cock finally pushed inside of him. Zane held Ty’s hip with one hand, wrapping the other around one of his wrists. Ty twitched his arm, just to feel that familiar thrill he always got when his lover pinned him down. There was an edge of panic underneath it.

“Missed this.” Zane groaned. “You feel so good, baby.”

Ty shuddered and reached back, grabbing a handful of Zane’s hair. “Wait!” He whimpered. Zane froze.

“What do you need?” He asked quietly.

Ty took a few small breaths, trying to sort out an answer to that. “Call me ‘doll’.” He finally managed. “You’re the only one who’s ever called me that. I...” He didn’t know how to explain. But Zane didn’t need him to.

“You got it, doll.” He drawled, affectionately. “You wanna keep going?”

When Ty nodded and rolled his hips back, Zane choked on a low moan, and picked up where they’d left off. He took Ty’s earlier words to heart. It was a quickie in the shop kitchen after an argument. And that’s how Zane fucked him. Hard and fast and sloppy, and just the way they’d done this a hundred times. The way they always did when one of them was wound up. Hot and heavy and _normal_.

Ty writhed under him, broken off little moans, and whispers of Zane’s name spilling from his lips. A litany to keep him grounded. He kept his free hand tangled in Zane’s hair, holding him close.

“That’s it, doll. I’ve got you.” Zane purred in his ear, his accent thick and sweet in a way that was so uniquely him. He bit kisses into Ty’s shoulders, his hand moving from Ty’s hip to wrap around his neglected cock. “Come for me, doll.”

Ty gasped, shuddering as he let himself fall apart in Zane’s arms. Let himself feel... everything.

He didn’t quite black out. He had a vague awareness of his clothing being fixed. His face went from being pressed against cold marble, to being pressed against the warm cotton covering Zane’s chest. He knew it was Zane. Solid and familiar. There was something wrong with the shirt between them. It was wet. It took him a moment to realize he was crying. To hear the broken sobs being ripped out of him. To notice that they were sitting down. He was curled up in Zane’s lap, crying, as Zane stroked his back and his hair, singing what sounded like a Spanish lullaby.

Ty felt awareness seep back into him as his breaths steadied and the tears stopped. He blinked his eyes open, the world sliding back into focus. He felt exhaustion threaded through every inch of him. A deep dragging fog inside of him. But at the same time, it felt earned. That sense of accomplishment. Of progress. He took a step today.

“Thank you.” He whispered, nuzzling his face against Zane’s chest.

“How’re ya feelin, doll?” Zane kept his voice measured and casual, unsure of exactly what the situation was. Ty had been crying a lot lately, in response to all emotions, good and bad. Zane had learned not to assume anything when it happened. To just hold him until he was done.

“Better.” Ty shifted in his lap so he could wrap his arms around Zane’s waist, pushing his head up under his chin and breathing deep, the soft scent of Zane’s cologne calming something inside him. “Needed that.”

“Which part?”

“All of it.”

They sat there for another few moments before Ty started to get up, tugging Zane’s hand as he did so. They cleaned up and headed back to the front of the shop. There were two customers there, neither of them the ones who were there when they’d gone in the back. Ty smiled at them and curled up in one of the big reading chairs. Zane had finished making the tea that Ty had started, and handed him one of the mugs.

“Do you want me to bring you a book?” He asked him, kissing the top of his head.

“One of my puzzle books behind the counter... And bring me a kitten!” He called after him as Zane turned to fulfill his request.

Zane chuckled. “Do you have a gender preference?”

“Never.” Ty grinned. He truly felt much better than the past two days. There were a lot of thoughts racing through his mind about what they had just done. He would have to talk to Dr Maji about it tomorrow. But whether it was a good or healthy decision, he was glad they did it. It was a step. Ripping something out by the roots. He’d figure out what to throw away and what to replant later. Right now, he felt a moment’s peace. And he was going to enjoy it.

“They’re not exactly kittens anymore, are they?” Zane mused as he placed Jiminy on Ty’s shoulder and the puzzle book and pencil on the end table next to him.

“They’re gettin big.” Ty agreed. “They’re gonna get bigger.”

“Not as big as Julian’s monsters, right?” Zane asked, uneasily. Ty laughed and shook his head, and Zane let out an exaggerated sigh of relief.

For the first time in almost a month, Ty recognized his life, and the world around him.


	4. Chapter 4

“I just don’t know which way is up. I don’t know if I’m helping, or making it worse. I don’t know what the right move is. Everything I say and do gets run through a million new filters in my head. I feel like I can’t even breathe. Holding my breath and walking on eggshells. And the fucked up thing of it is, there’s this part of me that’s pissed at him. None of this is his fault. He’s the one going through something horrible, but there’s this voice in the back of my head that blames him for making me want a drink.”

Zane sighed heavily and leaned over, elbows on his knees and face in his hands. It was a relief to say it out loud. But hearing the words just made him angrier with himself.

“It’s fucked up, I’ll give you that.” Jessica, the group leader mused. “But it’s also a very human response. Is it just you? You said your husband is seeing a therapist, but other than her, and you, what other support system does he have?”

“Well. He’s talked to his brother a bit. It’s hard for them though, I think. His friends are coming over this weekend. His team. He’s planning to tell them everything.”

“That’s good. For the past few weeks, you’ve been his biggest, and almost only support. You’ve been carrying all of it. That’s… That’s a lot. You have every right to feel the way you do. As long as you’re not making it his problem, and you keep coming here instead of going back to your bad habits? You’re doing great.”

“I’m kind of in awe of you, man.” One of the others piped up. “What he’s going through? I can’t fucking imagine. I can barely handle my brother bitching about his shitty job without getting thirsty.”

A few of them laughed, and Zane cracked a small smile. “Our threshold for drama and stress is… pretty fucking high.”

“I wish I was pretty fucking high.” One of the girls grumbled, resulting in more laughter and Zane snorted and nodded ruefully.

“You and me both. But we’re here, right?”

“Exactly.” Jessica said warmly. “Being here doesn’t mean we’re not struggling. It means we’re struggling so bad that we know we need help not to break. It means that we made a choice-“

“Or received a court order!”

Jessica rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but you chose to follow it. You didn’t have a good choice, but hey. When you think about it, none of us did. It was this, or hell, one way or another. And we chose better. Every day we make a choice. Zane, you chose to be there for your husband. To come here so you can stay healthy. So you can be strong for him, and be his rock.”

“Anchor.” Zane murmured. “He calls me his anchor.”

“Shit, that’s sweet as fuck.” The man next to him griped. “Don’t let my girl hear that shit. She already bitches that I’m not romantic enough.”

“So do more romantic shit.” Zane offered. “Call her cute names. Buy her a flower on your way home from work. Make her breakfast in bed. It’s not that hard, dude.”

Jessica had to corral the group back into focus as they all devolved into a bunch of preteens. “When are your husband’s friends coming in to town?”

“Today. They actually got in right as I was leaving. We planned it that way. Ty wanted to tell them everything at first with just them. They’re gonna stay through tomorrow and Sunday, and leave Monday morning. They’ve been through a lot. All of them. I don’t know if I even know how to explain- Have you ever seen the movie Seven Psychopaths? But like… Oh! The show Supernatural. _That’s_ what they remind me of.”

Jessica stared at him, wide eyed, very clearly trying not to laugh. “Well. I would suggest taking a moment to talk to them yourself. And your husband. Have a discussion about boundaries and limits and needs. Let him know you’re all there for him, but all of you understand that no one of you can handle everything on your own. You’re a family. You need to all be there for each other. It’s not about setting up a chore roster of emotional labor. It’s about everyone taking care of everyone.”

“I know. And we do. They always have, more or less. I just… This. It’s different.”

“New and scary.”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re the king of overthinking. Not to mention monumental control issues, and an obsessive need to have any and all information about everything.”

“I’m sorry, are you my sponsor or my brother-in-law?”

Jessica snorted. “Are you talking to your brother-in-law? Or doing any other kind of therapy? Because now that you mention it, I _am_ your sponsor. And you haven’t texted or called me in a while.” She raised a pointed eyebrow at him. “You can’t do this alone, Zane. You know that.”

“I know.” Zane sighed and rubbed his face. “I know. All my focus has just been on him, you know? Worrying about myself right now just feels selfish.”

“Okay, you know-“

“Yeah, _I know_ that’s bullshit. I know I have to take care of myself before I’m able to help him. But…”

“But the love of your life is in pain, and all you want is to make it stop.” One of the others supplied. “You can’t think about anything else.”

Zane nodded. He’d been so obsessed with doing right by Ty, that he’d run himself into the ground. And was starting to resent him for it when it was his own damn fault. Maybe talking to the boys was a good idea.

~*~

“Okay, I’m gonna need one of you to say _something_.” Ty stared wide eyed at the wall on the other side of the room, pointedly not looking at any of the others.

“I. Well. The- I wuh- Just. _Goddamn_. Whathefuckin- _Psh_! Fu-! I don’t. But… _Gah_!”

“What he said.” Digger pointed at Kelly without moving his eyes from the coffee table. None of them were looking at each other.

“Please. Guys. I need somebody to… Fuck, I don’t know! Somebody start yelling, or crack a joke, or say something wildly inappropriate, or… _Something_!”

“Well.” Nick mused. “I’m kind of sitting here. Thinking about your… _slight_ … overreaction. To my assassination confession. Just thinking. In retrospect. Ya know?”

Ty snorted, a desperate little laugh bursting out of him. “Yeah. I’ll admit… Not. My _best_ moment. Definitely a _slight_ overreaction, yes. In my defense. The execution of your confession was not as well thought out as the execution you were confessing to. But I will admit. I could’ve handled the situation _a bit_ better. Though. Another point in my own defense. There were… _several_ other people here. And they all let it happen.”

“Speaking of your husband being in no way able to control you ever, how is he doing with all of this?”

“He’s been… freaking amazing, man. I don’t think I could’ve survived this without him. But he’s running himself into the ground. And trying so hard to not let me see it, because I need him to be the strong one right now.” Ty smiled ruefully.

Owen raised his hand.

“Do you still want more wildly inappropriate jokes? Cuz I thought of one.”

“Yeah, man. Please.”

“It’s bad. Like… _Really_ bad. Like, I thought of it and then I went ‘ _wow_ , that’s _way_ too fucked up, even for _me_ ’. So. Just. Just horrible.”

“Okay, I _definitely_ need to hear it, then.”

“I was just thinking... Randy, Jack, and Dick sound like the Keebler Elves of sex offenders.”

The room went dead silent for a full three seconds. And then they all burst out laughing than any of them had laughed in a long time.

“Oh my god, you twisted motherfucker, how did I not think of that?!”

“He’s right! My god, he’s right!”

“That is amazing. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard. I hate you.”

“ _Wow_.”

~*~

“No, but, they should live in some bushes instead of a tree.”

“I’m just saying, you snapped his neck right handed so that we wouldn’t recognize your work, but you didn’t think to show me that he was evil _before_ you told me you murdered him?”

“Listen.”

“Because in PSAs, the sex offenders are always jumping out of bushes?”

“I mean, he did tell you about his evildoing.”

“Yeah, _after_ dropping the ‘Hey, I murdered your favorite uncle’ line.”

“Right! And they’d be wearing little trench coats.”

“Your favorite uncle molested you and tried to have you killed.”

“He has a point.”

“Oh my god that’s perfect!”

“Well, _I didn’t know that_!”

“That is also a good point.”

Zane blinked rapidly in the doorway of the townhouse, listening to what he hoped were at least two different conversations going on in his kitchen.

“Ooo! Zane’s home! Zane! You can draw, right?”

“I’m afraid to answer that question, and refuse to do so until I receive more information.” He walked into the kitchen and wrapped an arm around Ty, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. “Hey baby.”

“Hey honey. Owen and Digger are designing a new cartoon to warn children about the dangers of sex offenders, and help them recognize the signs of abuse, and teach them how to get help.”

“It’s actually, like, a really good idea.”

“It’s called ‘Randy, Jack, And Dick : The Diddler Elves’!”

“Some of the details need work.”

Zane stared at the two of them. And then stared at the other three. And then back again. After a long moment, he asked, “How close can we get to actual copyright infringement before Kellogg sues us?”


	5. Chapter 5

Ty took a slow deep breath. And another. And another. And-

“We don’t have to do this today.” 

“I _want_ to do this today.” Despite the firmness of his voice, Ty made no move to get closer to the cabin in front of him. It was Labor Day weekend. This was when he always came here as a kid. Right before school started up again. It was smaller than he remembered it. The last time he had been here... was he seventeen? Sixteen. It was before he met David. 

“Right before I started senior year. We came here. I shot a deer out of season. Could’ve got in a lot of trouble. It was a big ass buck, too. They were so proud of me.” His voice trailed off. The memories came and went in waves. Bashing him over the head at sometimes random moments. Many of them faded back into the background. Not forgotten again, but settling into place with other old memories as though they’d always been there. They _had_ always been there. 

Zane was slowly getting used to Ty’s reminiscent outbursts. Sometimes they were calm and quiet like this. Sometimes... they weren’t. But each and every one of them, no matter how simple or innocuous the memory was, twisted something violently in Zane’s chest. He almost preferred the ones where Ty yelled and cried and recanted stories and anecdotes that gave Zane nightmares. The moments like this; quiet and calm, innocuous, innocent stories. They were somehow worse. The kind of story that would make someone smile if they heard it out of context. Without knowing the horror behind it. 

Ty was standing there, looking down at his hands held out in front of them. Zane stepped closer, reaching out slowly to wrap his arm around his shoulders. He was still terrified of touching him, for fear of triggering him. And so, they had implemented a stoplight system. If he couldn’t quite tell him what he needed, he would give a color. Sometimes he could elaborate a little in those moments. Even hyperventilating in the middle of a flashback, he could choke out ‘red’ and ‘stay’, and Zane knew to back off and leave him be, but to not leave the room. If he said yellow, and grabbed Zane’s arm, Zane knew that the touch was okay, but not more. 

Right now, Ty didn’t say anything. Just kept staring at his hands. “They taught me how to skin it. How to... they taught me everything.” His voice got quieter as he spoke. “I was covered in the deer’s blood when they bent me over the table. They kept telling me how proud they were of me. I was... I was so happy. So proud of myself.” He clenched his fists and squeezed his eyes shut. Zane tightened his grip on him slightly, and Ty gasped out “Green.”

Zane wasted no time pulling him close. Ty pressed his face to the crook of Zane’s neck and let him hold him tight as they both fought to regain their composure. They knew today would be difficult. Both Deuce and Dr Maji offered to join them, but Ty insisted that he wanted to do this alone. That was immediately vetoed by literally everyone else involved, and he agreed to bring Zane, and to not push himself. They might not even make it to the front door today, and that was alright. 

“I’m okay.” Ty whispered. 

“I know.”

A lot of the furniture was gone. Many of the pictures and hunting trophies were still on the walls and shelves. The blood had been cleaned away. There was a very small hole in the floor where Zane had put a bullet through Jack Tanner’s head. 

Zane thought back to that night, months ago, and rage swelled within him. Jack died too easily. They all did. When the boys visited, Nick had muttered to Zane at one point; “Shoulda done more than snap his fuckin neck.” His voice was full of a regret that Zane understood too well. Knowing what they did now. There wasn’t enough pain in the world to pay for what those men had done. 

Ty ambled around, slowly. Touching things here and there. Picking up small knickknacks, running his fingertips along picture frames. 

He made his way into the kitchen area, Zane following, but keeping his distance. He wanted to let Ty do whatever it was he needed to do on his own. Just wanted to be there in case he needed him. 

Ty opened cupboards and rifled through drawers. There was a thin cabinet above the counter next to the stove. Ty reached in and pulled out a small orange prescription bottle. His face twitched with warring emotions as he stared at the label. Zane moved closer, leaning against the table. 

“Alright, doll?” He asked calmly. They’d found that nonchalance worked better than panic or fussing in Ty’s rougher moments. 

“Propranolol.” He said matter-of-fact. His face was storm cloud of rage, his eyes red and watering. But his voice was quiet and steady.

“Isn’t that what Nick takes for his hand?”

“Yep.” Ty turned the bottle in his hand, and sniffed slightly as he read the rest of the label. “You remember what he told us about it? The Gatorade?”

**_“In large doses, it behaves sort of like Rohypnol. It makes you extremely suggestible and causes memory loss.”_ **

Zane moved closer to look in the cabinet Ty had pulled it from. Inside were coffee mugs, and boxes of tea and hot chocolate. 

“Damnit.” Zane whispered. Ty clicked his tongue and nodded. 

“This prescription was filled right before Jack died.” His voice was starting to waver. 

“Maybe he also actually needed it for its intended use.” Zane mused. 

“Maybe.” Ty kept nodding, spinning the bottle in his fingers before finally looking up at Zane. “But then why is it still in next to the fucking hot chocolate?” His voice broke as the tears fell. 

“Oh god.” Realization hit Zane like a brick. Of course. Why haven’t that occurred to them?

“It wasn’t just me. They hurt other kids. Zane, Jack still had someone this past year!” The pills rattled against the plastic as Ty’s hand shook. 

Zane took the bottle and shoved it in his jacket pocket before grabbing Ty’s hands in his own. 

“It’s okay. Look at me. It’s okay.”

“No it’s not!” Ty tried to pull away, but Zane held him in place. “Zane, I could’ve stopped them! It should’ve ended with me! But I repressed it and forgot because I didn’t wanna deal, and some other little kid had to go through it too! Maybe more than one! God, there could’ve been someone at the same time, they only had me one week a year!”

“Would it be his fault?”

“Huh?” Ty stopped struggling and stared up at Zane in confusion. 

“If there was another kid your age? Would you blame him for not saving you, or the ones after? What if there were ones before you? Is it their fault? They could’ve said something.”

“Wha-? No. That’s not...” Ty looked away, staring off to gather his thoughts. 

“You wouldn’t blame them. Why would you blame yourself? It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault but the men who did this.” He rubbed his thumbs over Ty’s knuckles as he watched him sort it all out in his head. 

“I have to know. I have to do _something_.” Ty pulled away and Zane let him go, watching him dig his phone out of his pocket. He stared at it for a moment before tapping out a number and lifting it to his ear. 

“Hey dad.” He said, after a moment. His voice steady again. “You remember how I used to go hunting up at Uncle Jack’s cabin?..... Yeah, I was just wondering... I’m trying to figure something out, and I was wondering if they ever took anybody else up there. I know Deuce never went............ Yeah............ uh-huh............” Ty’s eyes hardened and his jaw clenched. “Really?” He growled. “Yeah, that does make a lot of sense...... Yeah, could you call Lizzy and tell her I’m gonna swing by today? I need to talk to him about something.” He took a slow shaky breath and nodded as he listened to whatever his father was telling him. “Yeah, we will. I love you too, dad.”

“Beaumont?” Zane tilted his head and reached his hand out. Ty looked up at him, his eyes almost glowing with tears and rage. 

“Cooper.”

~*~

Cooper Grady had been ten years old the last time they saw him. In Scotland, when he protected his baby cousin from a kidnapping attempt. He was a tiny little thing. Tough as nails with bright hazel eyes and a spunky attitude, just like the rest of his family. His father Elliot was Earl’s nephew, his twin brother’s son. He was a few years younger than Ty and worked at an open coal mine just outside of town. Cooper’s mother, Lizzy, worked from home. Doing accounting and taxes over the phone and internet for folks that were housebound or too busy. Zane liked her. They spent an hour at the wedding chatting about math until Ty complained of a melted brain.

As they rolled up a winding driveway, Zane tried to imagine how this day was going to go. He texted Deuce and told him what they learned, and he said he was on his way. But he was a few hours behind them, and Ty wasn’t waiting. When they pulled up to the small house, Lizzy was sitting on the porch, reading. 

“Hey you!” She called out to them before opening the front door. “Cooper! Your cousin’s here! Uncle Earl said he wanted to ask you somethin!” She was smiling and cheerful. It was a beautiful day outside. The summer heat was just starting to fade into autumn. Cooper emerged from the house. A bit taller than the last time they’d seen him. It had been nearly two years. He’d be a teenager soon. 

He smiled at Ty, who tried to return it, but couldn’t quite manage. He stared at his little cousin and opened his mouth before closing it again. He tried a few more times before shaking his head and turning away. 

“I can’t do this.” He muttered. Zane gripped his shoulder for a moment before looking back at Cooper. 

“Hey buddy.” He started, gently. “We were just up at Jack Tanner’s cabin. We heard you used to go hunting with the guys up there, and we were wondering if we could talk to you about it.”

“I’m not supposed to.” Cooper said quietly after a moment. He eyed them uneasily, as though he was waiting to get in trouble. 

Ty let out a broken sound, and looked up at him again. “We don’t have to follow their rules anymore, Coop. “ He rasped out. “They’re gone.”

Cooper’s head tilted to the side in that same confused puppy way Ty’s did sometimes. “Oh. What if I don’t wanna talk about it? What if I wanna just forget about it?”

Ty laughed humorlessly. “Then you end up like me. Trust me, kiddo, you don’t want that.”

“Somebody needs to tell me what’s goin on, right the hell now.” Lizzy looked back and forth at each of them, worry and confusion etched on her face. 

“Liz.” Ty croaked out. He took a shaky breath and shook his head. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

Zane cleared his throat and moved towards Lizzy. “Tanner, Burns, and Jonas...” He sighed. “They were abusive.”

“What the hell do you mean, ‘abusive’?!” She snarled. “What did they do to my kid?!” Ty flinched and Cooped looked down at the ground. Lizzy went over to Cooper and lifted his head up. “Baby? Look at me, sweetheart. What happened? You can tell me, it’s alright. Whatever it is... well, like Tyler said, they can’t hurt you anymore.”

Cooper pulled away from her, shaking his head as he retreated back into the house. 

“Deacon has colleagues in the area who can talk to Cooper. Help him deal with things. It’s gonna-“

“What the hell happened to my kid, Garrett?” She snapped, cutting him off. “What did they do to him?”

“They were pedophiles, Elizabeth.” Zane tried to make his voice as gentle as possible, but there was really no way to spell it out gently. She stared at him, gobsmacked for a moment. 

“They touched my kid?” She asked quietly. “Those bastards put their hands on my baby?” She shook her head as Zane nodded. “No! How do you know? How can you be sure that’s what happened? Did they confess or something?”

“It happened to me too.” Ty spoke up, causing both Liz and Zane to turn back to him again. He was standing with his shoulders back, looking her in the eye. He seemed to know what was about to happen before Zane did. And when Lizzy rounded on him and slapped him across the face so hard, it echoed off the trees, Ty didn’t move. His head snapped to the side, but his feet stayed planted. It took him a moment to lift his head again. Zane pulled her back away from him as she started yelling. 

“You _knew_! You knew and you didn’t _say_ anything? How could you let this happen?!” 

“He repressed it, Lizzy.” Zane tried to calm her as Ty just stared at her, eyes full of guilt. “His mind blocked it all out. We didn’t even know it happened at all until this summer. We just realized it must’ve happened to Cooper, today.”

“You _forgot_?!” She screeched. “You just moved on with your life and let them go after somebody else?! Let them go after my baby?!”

“I’m sorry.” Ty’s voice was strained, his face starting to shut down. Zane knew he had to get him out of here, but he couldn’t leave her like this. Elliot wouldn’t be home for hours still. 

“You’re _sorry_?!” Before she could take a breath to keep going, Zane turned her to face him. 

“ _Lizzy_. Where is your phone? Do you have it on you? Get your phone.” She stared at him, confused before pulling her arm free and pulling her phone out of her pocket. “Okay. Call Deacon. Right now. Go inside and sit down, and talk to him. He’s on his way out here now, but I know Livi’s driving. Call him. He will give you numbers of nearby doctors who can help. It’s gonna be okay. The people responsible are dead in the ground, and Cooper is gonna be okay.”

He watched her call her cousin, and waited until she had gone back into the house before he gathered Ty in his arms. He was shaking and whispering broken apologies like a litany as Zane rubbed his back. 

“We don’t have to go up and talk to your parents today. It can wait.” He offered. 

“No.” Ty sniffed and pulled back, shaking his head as he straightened up again, mustering up his composure. “We have to go now. They.... he needs to hear it from me.”

~*~

By the time they walked into the house, Mara had lunch on the table. 

“You boys look like you’ve been to hell and back. What on earth- no. Wait. Sit first. Eat, and then we’ll talk. I get the feeling, you start now, nobody’s gonna have lunch till after dinner. And I’ll bet money, neither of you’ve had breakfast.”

So, they sat and ate. Zane prepared himself for the incoming storm, and Ty tried to calm himself as much as possible. This was not going to be easy. 

Ty steeled himself like he did for battle. Like he did when he was about to kill someone. He looked at his father and was overcome with the understanding that what he was about to do was going to destroy the man. But he also understood that there was no going back. He had to pull the trigger. No more secrets. 

They finished lunch, and Mara made tea. As they were moving to settle in the livingroom, Deuce appeared, looking haggard. 

“Where are the girls?” Ty asked softly. 

“I left them with Lizzy.” Deuce sighed. 

“How is she?”

“Not great. But she’ll be alright.”

“And Cooper?”

“He’s a tough kid.”

Ty nodded. “So was I.”

Deuce barked out a broken laugh at that and wrapped his arms around his big brother. Ty clung to him, whispering harshly “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Yes you can.” Deuce murmured. 

“It’ll kill him.”

“He’s tough. He’ll live.”

Zane had corralled the elder Gradys into the livingroom to give the brothers some privacy and a moment to get ready. When they all settled in, Ty had his war face on, and Deuce had his therapist face on. 

“This family has been through a lot.” Deuce started. His voice was soft and steady, but everyone could see the strain behind his eyes and the nervous twitch in his fingers. “We pride ourselves on our strength and our resilience. We define ourselves by our honor and integrity. Personally, what I think sets us apart is our love and support for each other.” 

“That’s definitely my favorite part.” Zane murmured fondly, taking Ty’s hand in his. 

“Every person in this room has made mistakes.” Deuce chuckled as he pointedly tapped his knuckles against his bad leg in example. “At the end of the day-“ his voice cracked a bit, the mask of his composure slipping. “At the end of the day, I think we just need to remember that we’re all here. We’re all okay. And we have each other.”

“Deacon. Baby, what’s going on?” Mara narrowed her eyes at each of the boys in turn. “What’s happened? Is someone sick? In trouble again? Just tell us.”

“I got hurt.” Ty whispered, looking at her as though he was trying to telepathically make her understand that he wished he didn’t have to tell her this. He thought back to every time he’d broken his mother’s heart. Every time he’d made her cry. “When I was a kid, I got hurt. And it was real bad, so bad that I just... forgot. My brain locked it away. And now I’m remembering. All these things and-“ he choked back a sob. “I’m so sorry, mama.”

“You stop that right now.” Deuce growled. “Not a single bit of this is your fault. You know that. You need to remember that. Do you understand me, Beaumont?” 

Ty shook his head. “ _This._ This, here, right now, today, all of it. _This_ is my fault.” He wiped his eyes with his sleeve. “None of you should have to be going through this. I shouldn’t be dragging everyone through this.”

“Did you listen to a word I said not five minutes ago?”

“I didn’t... I should’ve.... _Cooper_.” He scoffed. “ _That’s_ on me.”

“We talked about this.” Zane squeezed his hand, and Ty turned to glare at him. 

“And ya know what? The answer to your question is _yes_. If there was another kid before me, I _do_ blame them. Especially if they were a grown ass adult with the power to _do_ something by the time I came around!” 

“Ty-“

“Lizzy’s right to blame me. I blame me.”

“Blame you for _what_?” Mara exclaimed. “What are you boys talking about? What happened to you? What happened to Cooper? What is going on?” 

Ty tried to look at her again, but he couldn’t. He turned to face his father. Earl was sitting there looking as confused as ever. He had no clue what they were talking about. Even after everything that came to light that past spring. He’d never for a second even think to believe... but none of them did. It was unthinkable. A nightmare. Things like that just didn’t _happen_. 

And wasn’t that the point? 

“Same thing that’s happened my whole life.” He finally managed. “We trusted the wrong people.” He shrugged, shaking his head. His voice went hard and cold as he stared at his father. “You never thought your best friends would betray you. You trusted them with your life. You trusted them with your _son_. It never occurred to you what they would do to me, alone in the woods.”

He held eye contact as he watched Earl slowly understand what he was saying. There was a part of him, something twisted and petty deep inside of him that wanted to blame Earl for everything. That felt vindicated by the horror and guilt growing on his face. But he knew he didn’t truly blame him. Not really. Not in any way that mattered. He was searching for something to say when Mara stood up and started pacing. 

“Ma?” He croaked out, concerned and confused. His anger shifted into fear as he watched her. 

“I knew something was wrong.” She muttered. “I hated sending you off on those hunting trips. I was always so sure something....”

“Mara-“ Earl stood up and reached out for her, and she knocked his hand away before slapping him hard across the face. Everyone in the room was silent. Unmoving. Unsure of what to do. Even Deuce looked lost. Scared. Like he had in Scotland when his daughter had disappeared. 

“I _told_ you!” Mara shouted, her face red. “I told you there was something wrong. I told you I knew he was gonna get hurt. I was sick to my stomach every single year when you sent him off with them!” 

“Mara, come on now. We had no reason to think-“ 

She hit him again. 

Zane would never say so anywhere Ty could hear him, but he felt no small amount of satisfaction at watching someone finally confront the man about his impact on his son’s life. Ty was free to. forgive his father as much as he wanted. And Zane was free not to. 

“You told me I was being paranoid! Over worrying. Overprotective. That’s all you’ve said for years. ‘You’re too damn overprotective of the boy.’ Well. From where I’m standing, it seems _somebody_ damn well should’ve been protecting him! Sitting there tellin me not to worry while you‘re the one putting him in danger!”

“Ma, stop!” Ty finally stood, and Mara let out a sob, throwing her arms around him. “I’m sorry, mama. I’m sorry.” Tears were streaming down his face as he clung to his mother like a frightened child. 

“No, baby, don’t you apologize. Your brother’s right, none of this is your fault. You got nothin to apologize for. Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. We should’ve protected you.” 

“You didn’t know. I didn’t want you to know.” He would’ve given anything to spare her from this. Bottle it all back up. Do whatever it took to make her stop crying. 

Before any of them could speak next, a truck rumbled up the driveway. 

“That’s Elliot.” Deuce sighed as he stood and headed for the door, pulling out his phone to see the text message alert. “Yep. Lizzy told him. Livi’s with her and the kids at the house.”

“Told him what?” Mara asked, stepping back and looking at the boys. 

“Cooper.” Earl murmured, his voice sounded defeated. His face was empty. Not even that hard blank mask the Grady family seemed to have patented. But just the face of a tired old man who had nothing left. 

“Oh God.” Mara whispered. 

“I’m sorry.” Ty whispered again. Zane stood and pulled him close. 

They heard shouting, muffled by the closed window. Deuce’s voice trying to stay calm. It didn’t seem to be working. Elliot was getting louder. They all made their way outside, Chester holding his shovel close as he kept an eye on everyone. 

When they got out front, Deuce was holding Elliot back. But that didn’t stop him from pushing him aside and charging forward at Earl, landing a solid right hook to his face. Something cracked, and no one could be sure if it was Elliot’s hand or Earl’s cheekbone. 

“You son of a bitch!” Elliot shouted, grabbing Earl by the front of his shirt and shaking him. “I trusted you! You swore he’d be safe with them! You let them hurt my boy!”

“El, that’s enough, come on.” Deuce pried his cousin away from his father. Earl shook his head, seeming at a loss for words. 

“I’m so sorry.” He looked at Elliot and then at Ty. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I never would’ve thought...” He gasped, choking back a sob. “I’m sorry.” 

“Fuck of a lot of good that does anybody now.” Elliot growled. “You let those perverts hurt my boy.” He lunged for Earl again, and Ty stepped forward to help stop him. Elliot pulled his arm out of Ty’s grasp, and swung with the other. 

The punch knocked Ty off his feet, and he went sprawling. It was at that point that Zane and Mara stepped in. They had both seen fit to let Elliot take some of his pound of flesh out of Earl’s hide, but damned if they were gonna let him hurt Ty. 

“Alright, that’s more than enough.” Mara scolded, stepping between the two cousins as Zane helped a stunned Ty to his feet. 

“It’s just as much his fault. If not more. Is my son gonna turn into a fag now, too?” 

The back of Mara’s hand met Elliot’s face so hard, that her engagement ring cut open his cheek. 

“Now, I know you’re going through it.” She seethed, her voice quiet and dangerous in a way Zane had never heard, and the rest of them didn’t hear often. “Lord knows, I am too. But you watch your goddamn mouth, and think about who you’re talkin to. You understand me?”

“They told Lizzy he forgot. How do you forget somethin like that? It’s bullshit. He knew. He knew and he didn’t say anything. Hell, everybody knows he was Dick’s little pet. He probably helped them!”

Ty felt light headed, blood rushing to his ears. He blinked rapidly, trying clear his vision. He couldn’t process the words that just came out of his little cousin’s mouth. 

Next thing any of them knew, Elliot was being slammed into his truck. 

“Go home, son.” Chester growled quietly. 

“Grandpa!” 

Chester cut off Elliot’s protests, raising his shovel threateningly. 

“Go home. Yer worked up, and yer talkin shit, and takin yer grief out on folks that don’t deserve it. That ain’t gonna do Cooper any good. Go home, tell yer son you love him. Help Liz find him a good doctor.”

“I gave her a list.” Deuce mumbled.

“I think we’re done taking family recommendations, thanks.” Elliot sneered. 

“Get yer ass in that truck and go home. Now. Ya hear me?”

Elliot stared at Chester defiantly for a moment, before he seemed to deflate in front of them. 

“Yes grandpa.” He muttered, and did as he was told. 

As Elliot rolled away, no one could quite look at each other. Ty pulled away from Zane’s grasp. He could barely hear the voices around him. His vision was blurry and he couldn’t breathe. Someone grabbed his arm and he pulled away. 

“Red!” He cried out. “Don’t touch me!” He put his hands over his face as he tried to control his breathing. “I need to go lay down.” He muttered, stumbling back into the house. 

They let him go. He was overwhelmed and needed to be alone. Hopefully he’d fall asleep. Maybe even sleep through the night. Zane doubted it. He sat on the porch with Chester and Deuce while Mara and Earl went into the house to talk. They tried to keep their voices down, likely as to not disturb Ty. They managed it for the most part. 

“You takin care of him?” Chester asked after a while. 

“I’m trying.” Zane responded quietly. 

“You takin care of yerself?” 

“I’m trying.”

“Barsha can’t really tell me anything, but she _does_ tell me that he’s doing well.” At Chester’s questioning eyebrow, Deuce clarified. “Ty’s therapist. She’s a friend of mine. She was actually one of my professors. She’s a specialist and she teaches a class on this kind of thing. I thought I might want to specialize in it too.” 

“Why don’t you?” Zane wondered. 

Deuce snorted and shook his head. “I couldn’t handle it. The semester was brutal, and then I had to sit in on one of her sessions.” He sighed and rubbed his eyes. “It was awful. I managed to keep it together, but... Barsha convinced me not to drop the class. She said it would be good for me, and good for my future patients.” 

“Was it?”

He huffed a humorless laugh. “When Ty called me. I knew what was going on _because_ of that class. The things he was saying. There were so many red flags. She’s the one who taught me how to spot them.”

“I had no idea.” Zane mused. “The doctor at the urgent care didn’t know. Told us it was stress.” 

“He’ll be alright.” Chester stated it like it was fact. “He’s tough.”

Livi came home with Amelia not long after sunset. Apparently, Lizzy had calmed down some, but Elliot couldn’t be reasoned with. But Cooper was okay. He had an appointment in two days with a doctor just outside of town. The rest was all bridges they’d cross when they got there. 

Zane made his way upstairs and crawled into bed next to his restless, but sleeping husband. 

“I love you.” He whispered as he wrapped his arms around him. It had been a long day, and sleep came fast. 

The sun was high and bright when he woke again. The bed empty and cold next to him. On the nightstand, Ty’s phone sat next to his own, on top of a piece of paper. 

**‘It’s too much. I know I promised to take you with me. But I can’t. Not this time. For both our sakes. Please don’t chase me. I’ll be back when I can. I love you. ~ Ty’**


	6. Chapter 6

Zane stared at the note on the table in front of him. It had been 24 hours since he woke and found it, in place of his husband. He should’ve expected this. They all should have. He could hear voices outside as the Sidewinder boys all arrived at the house. He stayed in the kitchen and stared at the note on the table. He’d spent the past day calling the boys and Dr Maji. He even called his family, and Tish at the sanctuary. No one had heard from him. 

Ty’s phone had been wiped. No browser history, only a handful of contacts, Uber app history cleared. His truck was still in the driveway. He said he didn’t want to be found. But Zane just needed to know. 

A large hand landed on his shoulder. “Hey. How’re you holding up?”

Zane shook his head, not even looking up at Nick. “I understand. But I can’t... I want to go after him.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“I know. But I want to.”

“Me too.”

“I keep telling myself that he’s fine. That he just needed to get away, and that’s normal. But things are so.....”

“Yeah.” Nick sighed and sat down next to him. “He’s been different lately. 

“Can you blame him?”

“No. But I don’t know what to do. Don’t know what to think. Like you said, we know how to normally handle this. But shit isn’t normal anymore. So, I don’t know.”

“This isn’t a goodbye.” Zane said firmly, tapping the paper in front of him. “If he-“ his voice broke off and he shook his head. “If he was gonna do anything stupid, this would be a different letter.”

“True.” Nick took a deep breath. “But that just means he’s not gonna be stupid or reckless on purpose. He’s still not thinking straight.”

“I know. But if we chase after him, it’ll only make it worse.”

“How are _you_ feeling? Besides worried sick?”

“I’m fucking _thirsty_.” Zane admitted quietly. To his credit, Nick didn’t react to that beyond a small nod. 

“You need to make a phone call about that?” He asked casually. 

“Nah. I did yesterday. I’m alright. I just....” He sighed. “Everything is... wrong. I get why he bolted. I do.”

“You didn’t exactly explain much on the phone. He told his family what was going on?”

“Yeah. We weren’t planning on it. But we realized that the bastards had gone after his little cousin, too.”

“Cooper?” Nick’s eyes hardened as his eyebrows shot up his forehead. “They hurt him?” 

Zane nodded, his face apologetic. Nick had taken a fondness to Cooper after Scotland. Always asking Ty how he was doing. There was something about the boy that reminded him of himself. 

“His parents are... well. They’re none too happy with this side of the family right now. But... considering what you did in Scotland-“ He chuckled a little. “And if you tell them what _else_ you did in Scotland... They might be willing to talk to you. Let you talk to him.”

Nick nodded, looking like he was about to go do just that. But he stayed in his seat. “And the rest of the family? Ty’s not the only one not himself right now. I’ve never seen mom and dad like this.”

Zane gave the little smile he could never keep off his face when Nick called them that. “They’re.... taking it hard. Seems most of the family has seen fit to blame Earl for it all. Including Earl.”

“Do you?” Nick’s face was neutral again. He and Zane has vastly different opinions of the man. And both of them understood and respected the other’s stance. 

“I know it’s not his fault. But I don’t see a problem with him shouldering a bit of the guilt. And I don’t begrudge anyone who’s pissed at him right now.”

“And Mara?”

“Well. Earl’s sleeping in the barn for now.” Zane snorted and shook his head. “I don’t blame Ty for taking off. This is... this is a massive clusterfuck. And he’s at the epicenter of it. He’s talked about things being too much before. Walls closing in. This time... I can see it. I should’ve known this was coming. I guess I just thought he’d take me with him. But I should’ve seen that too.”

“It’s not like anybody blames _him_.”

“Yeah they do. Cooper’s parents do.” Zane rubbed his eyes and the bridge of his nose. “It got ugly. I think that’s what pushed him over.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

They sat in silence a while, listening to people talking outside. The day was clear, the sun bright. Autumn chill in the early morning. It was a beautiful day. Somehow, that made it worse. 

“I feel like there should be more I can do.” Nick admitted quietly. “I should be able to offer some kind of insight or support. We’ve talked a bit, since he told us. And I’ve tried to be... empathetic. But it’s different. It’s so different.” He sighed heavily, his eyes red, his face strained. “I don’t feel like... like a fellow abused kid that he can lean on. I feel like one more creep who objectified him.”

“Nick, that’s _not_ -“

“I wanted him. I... I put this idea of him on a pedestal and to hell with who he really was or what he wanted. I’ve lied to him, and used him, and manipulated him.”

“And kept him alive. And saved him. And helped him. And forgiven him. I’m not gonna sit here and tell you that you’ve never done wrong by him. You’ve had moments where you were a real shitty friend. But so has he. You’re human, both of you. And you’ve been through things together that...” Zane scoffed. “‘Been through the wars’ doesn’t even _begin_ to cover it.”

“I’ve hurt him.”

“So have I.” Zane met Nick’s eyes. “I remember enough of that night in New Orleans. Enough to know what I did to him. Enough to know that in retrospect... Enough to hate myself.” He sniffed, feeling his eyes burn and water, but refusing to cry. He didn’t have the right. “What I did. What I said. How I hurt him. I remember. And I remember... he let me. He believed he deserved it. Or that... he just... he let me take everything out on him. Like that was just what he was supposed to do.” 

“Almost every single man he’s ever loved has hurt him.” 

“Hell. Every man who’s ever been _in_ love with him has shot him.”

“When did _you_ shoot him?!”

“Friendly fire. Twice. The first one was an accident.”

“Jesus. Aren’t we a pair?” Nick tapped his fingers on the table. “Do you wonder if he forgave us for the things we did, just because.....”

“Did you?” Zane cocked an eyebrow when Nick looked at him in confusion. “Well. You were talking about empathy earlier. You’re wondering if Ty forgave you for hurting him because he was abused, and that messed up his head. Well. Is that why you forgave him?”

“That’s different.”

“Is it?”

“I never forgave my dad. I never loved him, or worked for him. I never killed for him.”

“You gave him half of your liver.”

“That’s.......... different.”

“Your sense of human decency, and his sense of loyalty both have nothing to do with the love and friendship you have for each other.”

“How many meetings are you going to these days?”

“ _So many!_ And Deuce even set me up with a legit therapist. I think he actually wept with relief when I asked him for a referral.”

“I’ll bet. Wait. The second time you shot Ty wasn’t an accident?”

“It was in Miami. You were dead at the time.”

The front screen door opened and slammed shut, followed by Mara bustling into the kitchen. 

“Ain’t even started on breakfast.” She muttered to herself, seeming not to notice the men in the room. 

“Zane and I can take care of that, ma.” Nick said quietly. “Or at least let us help. A lot of mouths to feed today.”

“Yeah, alright. You get the food together, and Zane honey, you pull out the pots and pans. I, um. I’ve got the-“ 

Zane stood and wrapped an arm around her. “Why don’t you sit down? I know for a fact you didn’t sleep a wink last night.”

“Oh, and how would you know that?” She groused, the pout on her face almost identical to the one her son made when he didn’t want to admit Zane was right about something. 

“Because I didn’t either, and I could hear you bustling about. Now,” he pulled out one of the chairs. “Sit down, and reap the benefits of your son bringing home every wayward stray in the country.”

“I can’t just sit and do nothin right now. I need to-... I can’t....”

They heard the door open again and Zane peered out. “Hey, Deuce, Livi, you wanna help us make breakfast?”

The two of them came into the kitchen, Amelia toddling after them. Zane scooped Amelia up in his arms and she squealed gleefully. Mara finally sat down, and Zane deposited her granddaughter onto her lap. 

“Baby.” He proclaimed, nodded once, and turned back to the cabinets. Deuce helped him set up the dishes and Livi chuckled. 

“Anything more complicated than a microwave is a bit beyond me. I grew up with a personal chef and lessons in white collar crime loopholes. Not really an emphasis on home ec.”

Zane laughed and grabbed her arm, pulling her towards the stove. “Yeah, me too. I took some classes in my forties. Now get your yankee yogi butt over here and learn how to fry bacon.”

“Do you have to use that word?” Nick scrunched his nose, and Zane smiled evilly. 

“It’s not just a baseball team.” Zane said innocently. “You know, Nick. I’m from Texas. As far as I’m concerned, you being from Massachusetts makes you-“

“Zane Zachary Garrett, if you finish that sentence, I will thump you over the head with this skillet!”

Zane did what he could to keep everyone distracted and laughing as they cooked. He didn’t know how Ty managed it all the time. The black knight, _and_ the court jester, _and_ the whipping boy, _and_ whatever else anyone needed him to be. No wonder he needed to run away once in a while. 

Digger and Owen came in just in time to set the dining room table. Chester and Earl stayed out on the porch, talking and smoking. Owen took a couple plates out to them. The rest of them gathered at the table, and Mara said grace. 

“And keep an eye on our boy, will ya?” She murmured at the end. “Amen.”

“Amen.” Everyone responded firmly, even the ones that weren’t exactly the praying type. Nick squeezed Zane’s hand, and Zane nodded. 

“Beaumont’s a barn cat.” Digger reminded them. “He got spooked and scampered off, but he’ll be home, soon as he settles himself. I only ever worried about that boy three times in the decades I’ve known him. This ain’t one of those times.”

They all made various sounds of agreement at that as they began to eat. Mara picked at her food, eating slowly, eyes lost in thought. 

“Which times?” She asked quietly, a few minutes later. Everyone looked at her in confusion. “You’ve been worried about him three times, but _this_ ain’t enough to merit it? The hell else has he been through? What else hasn’t he told me?”

Digger took a slow deep breath as he held her gaze. The rest of them tensed. You could’ve heard a pin drop. Mara stared him down. Daring him to lie to her or brush her off. 

“Mara.” Owen said calmly. “You married into a family of Marines, and you’re not stupid. You know it wasn’t sunshine and daisies over there. And you know last spring went fubar in a big way. Your son has been through a lot. Some of it real bad. You already knew that.”

“You don’t want details.” Digger told her, with no small amount of sympathy. “You want more reasons to beat yourself up. But we’re not gonna let you. Every person at this table knows how good of a mother you are. We know you didn’t fail him. You need us to remind you of that, we can.”

“Oh, what do you know?” She scoffed weakly, face already softening into something that was almost a smile. “Half of ya never even had a real mother.” 

They all laughed quietly at that. A sort of ripple of relief coursed around the table. The tension dissipating. 

“Exactly.” Kelly nodded. “Some of us had good moms, some had bad moms, I had a good mom, then a grandmom, then no mom, then a few bad and mediocre moms, and sometimes no mom again. Social workers and foster mothers, and then... you. And as a veritable collector and connoisseur of mothers, I can confidently tell you,” He took a deep breath before nodding his head pointedly, “You are the best.”

“Oh, good lord.” She rolled her eyes, smiling.

“No no, I’ve done the research!”

“I crunched all the numbers.” Zane confirmed. 

“We’ve tested many avenues.”

“I mean, my mama’s amazing.” Digger pointed out. 

“Mine’s pretty good.” Owen shrugged. 

“Mara, you are the kind of mother I fantasized about having when I was a kid.” Livi confessed softly. 

“Same.” Zane nodded. 

“We’ve had this conversation.” Nick reminded her. “A few times.” 

“Ma, whenever anything happens with Amelia, Livi doesn’t ask herself what her mother would do. She asks me what you would do.” Deacon reached out and grabbed his mother’s hand. “You did the best you could by us, and it was a hell of a lot more than most people’s best. And Ty...” he smiled sadly and shook his head. “No power on this earth can keep him out of trouble. I think you know that. Just like I think you keep that BB gun in your closet for the same reason he hates motorcycles.”

“I never should’ve let you go to college.” Mara murmured, wiping her eyes. “Too goddamn smart, the both of ya.” She shook her head. “Never shoulda let him out of my goddamn sight.”

“He’d’ve just run off as soon as you blinked. You can’t control everything, and you can’t protect everyone.” He squeezed her hand and leaned over to kiss her cheek. “He’s okay. He’s gonna be okay. We all are. I promise. Trust me. I’m a doctor.”

“You’re a smartass.”

“I love you too, mama.”

~*~

Cameron rubbed his eyes and turned on his desk lamp. The sun had begun to set while he’d been working, and he hadn’t even realized. The farm was small, and Julian did most of the work running it. But the bookkeeping and business dealings were Cameron’s department. Julian wasn’t exactly a ‘people person’, and the local companies they dealt with expected a certain amount of.. well, they decided that Cameron would handle all of that. 

It was small, but it was lucrative. Not as much money as Julian and Preston had made in ‘antiques’, but more than enough to keep things running and live comfortably. It was the quiet life he’d always wanted. Content. That’s what Julian had called him once. He hadn’t been content for a while after that. But he was again. 

Growing up in Chicago, owning a farm wasn’t exactly something he ever imagined for his future. But his boys seemed to know what they were doing. And he was good at it, too. Or at least that’s what everyone said. Most of the time he was just guessing at things. But when he confessed that, he was told he had good instincts. 

“Are you planning on falling asleep at your desk again?” A soft purr sounded from the doorway to his office. Julian leaned against the frame, arms crossed, mouth smirking. That had only ever happened once, and Julian would never let him live it down. 

“I fell asleep half an hour ago.” Cameron responded dryly. “This is all a dream.”

“Is it a good dream?” Julian sauntered towards him, pulling his chair away from the desk. Cameron allowed himself to be moved, tossing his pen back onto the desktop before his mouth was captured in a soft kiss. 

“It is now.” He answered, mumbling against Julian’s lips, and kissed him again. 

“I think if you wake up, reality would be even nicer.”

“Noooooo!” Cameron whined, pressing his face into Julian’s neck. “Reality has the metric system!”

“Darling, the metric system is not out to get you.”

“Yes it is! Just like the goats!”

“At least the cats have warmed up to you.”

Cameron snorted and rolled his eyes. He wouldn’t go that far, but at least they didn’t try to kill him anymore. Suddenly, he was no longer in his desk chair. He squealed and wrapped his arms and legs around Julian as his husband carried him off to the bedroom. 

Julian laid him out on the bed, and knelt between his legs, one hand under his shirt and the other holding his throat, as he kissed every inch of Cameron’s face. Cameron melted under him, his fingers tangled in Julian’s soft hair. He giggled when Julian kissed the tip of his nose before nuzzling his own against it. 

They stripped each other slowly, Julian took his time, worshiping Cameron’s body with his hands and his mouth. Gentle biting kisses pressed to his neck, that got less gentle as Cameron moaned and bared his throat for him. 

Cameron gasped, humming appreciatively, when Julian squeezed his wrists, pinning them to the mattress. Getting his husband to handle him roughly in bed was a long and arduous process. It wasn’t that Julian didn’t enjoy it. Quite the contrary. But he had such a fear of taking things to far. Of harming Cameron, or unleashing a side of himself that he was determined to keep far away from him.

But Cameron was certain they could find a middle ground between how far Cameron wanted to go, and how far Julian was comfortable going with him. And so, whenever Julian did indulge him, Cameron made sure to be very clear about just how much he was enjoying himself. 

Julian held him down and took him apart gently as he fucked him roughly. Soft kisses and quiet murmurs of love and praise, as he thrust into him hard and fast. Cameron wrapped his legs around Julian’s waist and didn’t hold back a single sound of pleasure. 

When they were wrung out and cleaned up, Julian held Cameron close, nuzzling his neck as they whispered sweet nonsense to each other before drifting to sleep. 

~*~

It was far too early in the morning when Julian was awoken by someone pounding on his door. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants and grabbed his gun. It was highly unlikely that a threat would get as far as the front door without Julian knowing about it much sooner, and it was even less likely that someone who _could_ , would then knock. But all the same. Old habits, better safe than sorry, ‘sweetheart you’re being paranoid’, and all that. 

When he opened the door, it wasn’t a threat, but it was certainly a surprise. Captain Beaumont Tyler _fucking_ Grady was standing on his front porch, with a duffle bag in his hand, and a broken miserable expression on his face. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days, and when he spoke, he sounded on the verge of tears. 

“I cut and ran.”


	7. Chapter 7

Almost forty-eight hours. Over twenty-four of which were spent on a plane. Across a continent, across an ocean, and a very lovely scenic drive, and he was at the gates of Lazarus Farms. It really was beautiful. A vineyard and a barley field, and a pasture full of goats and sheep. He winked at the security camera as he punched in the code to the gate, a weak attempt at a smirk on his lips. 

He was so goddamn tired. 

Driving up the private road, two houses, and what was either a barn or a garage, came into view. There were flower gardens everywhere. It was like a dream. He wondered if he was actually hallucinating. Twenty-four hours crying on a plane could do that, he supposed. The main house was a gorgeous two story Victorian with stained glass windows and a wrap around porch. The large cottage on the other side of the barn was a single story with shutters and a patio. He felt like he’d stepped into a storybook. A rabbit was munching on one of the rose bushes in front of the porch, and he half expected it to start talking to him. 

Julian’s face was a more welcome sight than he expected. He stepped aside and motioned for Ty to come in. 

“I don’t know what that means.” Julian informed him as he put away the gun in his hand while Ty looked around. They had clearly put a lot of love into decorating. Everything was dark wood and soft colors. Three white dogs swarmed his feet, sniffing him and pawing at his duffle bag. 

“Weren’t there four of these?” He asked. He could hear his own voice, but it sounded distant. 

“Cobalt passed away. He was ill.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. Poor Cameron.”

“Yes, he cried for about a week and a half.” Julian stared at him with a very confused expression. “Grady... what-.....”

“I’m broken.” Ty said, matter-of-factly. “My world got turned inside out, and I ruined everyone’s life, and then I started drowning, so I ran away.” He sniffled and nodded, feeling like that summed it all up rather succinctly, and turned to look at Julian again. “You have a beautiful home.”

“Thank you. Tyler......” Julian opened and closed his mouth a few times. “I’m not sure I have the emotional capacity to help with...” he waved his hand in the general all encompassing direction of Ty “whatever the hell this is.”

“That’s okay. I didn’t think you would. If you could please just show me somewhere I can sit down, and bring me your cats, that would be great.” He gave him what he hoped was, and knew wasn’t, a smile. 

“... Right.” Julian nodded and started walking, gesturing for Ty to follow him. 

He led him to a little sun room, full of plants, and wind chimes, and what appeared to be antique furniture. Ty tried to come up with a joke about that, but gave up. His brain felt overstuffed and empty all at once. He sat down on the couch and set his duffle on the floor, pulling a bottle of water out of it as he waited for Julian to come back. 

He returned a few minutes later, wearing a shirt and holding one of the cats, the other trailing next to him. 

“Look who’s here, boys. I think he missed you, too. He’s not feeling well, so how about you give him some love, hm?” He handed over Wesson, and Smith jumped up on the couch. 

“Thank you.” Ty mumbled into Wesson’s fur, one hand wrapped around him as he used the other to pet Smith, who was affectionately chewing on his fingers. 

“What’s all the- Oh.” Cameron appeared in the doorway, hair mussed and eyes still full of sleep. “I thought we weren’t going to invite our friends? Not that I’m complaining.” He smiled and waved. “Good morning Tyler.”

“Good morning Cameron. Sorry to intrude. Don’t mind me.”

Cameron raised an eyebrow at him before turning to Julian, who simply shrugged with his hands in the air. “He just showed up.” Julian murmured. “I don’t know what’s going on, but...” He waved his hand in Ty’s direction, indicating the odd demeanor of the man. 

The sound of the front door opening echoed through the house, accompanied by hushed laughter. 

“Are you both already awake? We were going to bring you breakfast in bed!” Preston came into the room, grinning, and stopped short when he saw Ty. “When did you get here?”

“He arrived just now.”

“Is he alright?” 

“He’s broken.”

“Julian!”

“His words!”

“Hey, are we going to eat in the sunroom, then? Or am I still taking this all- what the hell?!” 

Ty looked up and saw Liam Bell standing next to Preston. Before he could stop himself, Ty started laughing. 

“You’ve gotta be kidding me!” He gasped. “I can fly to the other side of the world, and still run into at least two people I’ve fucked!” His laughter had an edge of hysteria to it that even he could hear. But he couldn’t stop. He barely noticed when a disgruntled Wesson bit his ear. 

“Well, to be fair, you knew I lived here.” Preston mumbled. 

“What the hell did you do to him?” Liam demanded, crossing the room to sit on the coffee table in front of Ty. 

“He just showed up like this. I don’t know what happened.”

“I’ve never seen him like this before.”

“Preston, you said the two of you made breakfast?” Cameron asked, quietly. “Why don’t the three of you go and set it all up out back? I’m going to talk to Ty for a bit, and then we’ll be right out.”

Ty had quieted a bit as the others left the room, and Cameron joined him on the couch. Smith let out a low growl, but neither of the cats moved. 

“I’m sorry about Cobalt.” Ty said quietly. Cameron’s eyes widened a bit. 

“I... thank you. That’s very kind.” Cameron watched Smith roll over and let Ty rub his belly. And then attack his hand. And then demand more belly rubs. “So. What brings you to New Zealand?”

“I’m broken.”

“Yeah, Julian mentioned. Wanna elaborate on that?”

“Why were they bringing you breakfast in bed? Is today important? Am I interrupting? Is it your anniversary or something? I can go. I didn’t mean to-“

“Tyler! Breathe. Relax.” Cameron smiled. “Today is my birthday.”

“It’s your birthday?” Ty asked quietly, feeling like he was going to start crying again. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve barged in like this. You have plans and... Today’s a happy day. You don’t need me crying on your couch. I got my cat fix, I can just-“

“Hey!” Cameron grabbed his arm. “I get to decide who and what I want today. And I want you to stay. It’s myparty, you can cry if you want to.” He smiled, scrunching his nose triumphantly when Ty chuckled. 

“I’m going through a hard time.” Ty admitted, voice a whisper. 

“Well. I think some breakfast will do you some good.” Cameron stood and held out his hand. “Come celebrate my birthday with me.”

Ty nodded and pressed a kiss to Wesson’s head before setting him down next to his brother, and took Cameron’s hand, allowing himself to be led outside. The back yard had an incredible view of the farm and the hills beyond it. There were trees and flowers everywhere. The dogs ran out with them and Cameron closed them into a large fenced off area. 

“They harass the sheep, and then the goats harass them, it’s a whole thing.” He explained. 

Under a tree that was larger than it had any right to be, was the classiest picnic set up Ty had ever seen. Soft blankets and pillows. Platters and bowls full of food. Champagne bottles and juice pitchers, tea and coffee. 

“Happy birthday.” Ty squeezed Cameron’s hand, smiling at him. 

“Thank you. I’m glad you’re here.”

They sat down and got settled. Ty was handed a tray with a mug of tea and what appeared to be a mimosa. Food was passed around and Cameron snuggled up against Julian, who kissed the top of his head, and raised his champagne glass. 

“To our Cameron. My heart. My conscience. My sunshine.” He grinned as Cameron blushed and squeezed his eyes shut, laughing silently. “My treasure. My joy. My better half.”

“Much much better.” Preston announced. 

“I’d hit you, but you’re right.” Julian conceded. “Cameron. I love you more than anything. Working up the courage to finally flirt with you was the best decision I ever made. I’m well aware of how incredibly lucky I am to be allowed in your life. Happy birthday, my love.” 

“Happy birthday!” Preston and Liam raised their glasses. 

Ty raised his, nodding at Cameron. “Happy birthday.” He said with a soft smile. “How old are you now anyway? Nineteen?”

Cameron giggled and rolled his eyes, moving his foot in Ty’s direction, pretending to kick him. “I’m thirty!” He insisted, drinking his bellini. 

“Fuck!” Ty stated. “God, I’m old.”

“You are the oldest person here.” Liam pointed out cheerfully. 

“No I’m not!” He pointed at Julian. “You can’t be younger than me!”

“I’m thirty-six, Grady.”

“That can’t be accurate. You must be mistaken.”

“You think... I’m mistaken... about my own age?”

“Yes.” Ty said simply. He was feeling more settled as they began to eat. 

The conversation buzzed around him. He absorbed it all, but didn’t really participate. He liked this. Existing on the edges of something calm and happy. Just... being. The food was good. The drinks were strong. The scenery was beautiful. He was with people he trusted not to hurt him, or let him be hurt, or be hurt themselves by his pain. He was safe. He could breathe. 

The most he interjected into the conversation was when he saw Cameron bite into a cinnamon roll. Ty gasped dramatically, staring at Cameron with wide eyes, and whispered loudly “Cannibalism!”

After breakfast, they showed him to the guest room so he could shower and take a nap. Cameron informed him that he was expected to join them on a trip to the beach later, and that he’d come and wake him when it was time to go. 

Ty slept, and for the first time in a long time, he didn’t dream. 

The drive to the beach was comfortably quiet. And when they got there, Ty busied himself helping set up blankets and more food and drinks. There was a volleyball and a brightly colored beach ball. There was also a large plastic bucket full of sandbox toys that Ty wanted to make fun of, but was too distracted by thinking excitedly about the sandcastle he was going to build. 

There were no other people around. No sound but the waves and the birds. Julian and Preston were playing some sort of game with the volleyball that they almost certainly were making up as they went along. Cameron lounged on the blankets, watching, like a prince being entertained by his knights. Which, Ty supposed, was more or less accurate.

He built his sandcastle, not even blinking when Liam started lazily but attentively digging a moat. 

“Should I be concerned?” Liam asked in an almost bored tone. “I’ve never been concerned about you before.” 

“You were once.” Ty answered in a similarly casual voice. “A trained attack dog who learned his whole life was a lie. Remember?”

“I remember you were angry.” Liam nodded. “I remember... I was afraid that the man I knew, the man I loved, was gone.” He cocked his head to the side, trying to catch Ty’s eye. “You proved me wrong.”

“Why’d you do that, anyway?”

“Do what?”

“Fall in love with me. Why would you go and do something like that?”

Liam froze and sat up straight. Ty didn’t stop what he was doing, eyes focused on the sand under his fingers. 

“Tyler.” Liam said softly, for once in his life at a loss for words. 

“I get why you wanted me. But I don’t understand.... it was a stupid move. It could’ve ruined everything for you. It almost did. You’re smarter than that. I was a valuable asset and a good fuck, and you should’ve tossed me aside the minute I became too dangerous to you. But you didn’t. I don’t understand.”

“I didn’t want to.”

“Why?”

“My whole life... I was alone. Me against the world. Fighting for everything I had. I wasn’t loved. I was never safe. I didn’t even really feel human most of the time. I just felt...” He shrugged and shook his head. “Then I met you. You looked at me... and you smiled. That big obnoxious cocky grin of yours. Most people, they look through me. But you... you saw me. And the more time we spent together, the more we understood each other. I’d never had that before, either. I could wax poetic, if you’d like. About how you brought warmth and light into my cold dark world. About how the first night I spent next to you, I couldn’t shake this strange feeling, and I almost had a panic attack before I realized I felt safe. It was such an unfamiliar feeling that it terrified me. I could go on and on, really. But the bottom line of it... Why did I love you? How could I not?”

Ty didn’t say anything. Just placed a seashell on top of the tower he’d finished. “I wasn’t worth it.” He finally whispered. “I wasn’t what you thought I was. What you wanted me to be. I just deceive everyone and ruin everything.”

“You’ve never been one to doubt your worth before.”

“No, I know how much I’m worth. I know it to the dollar. What every piece of me amounts to. My innocence. My mind. My body. My soul. My hands, my eyes, my strength. I know my value by what others have paid for me. What they’ve paid because of me. My failures and my pain. I know what I’m worth as murderer and a whore. And I know what I cost as a burden and a disappointment.”

“You’re a hero.” Liam stated firmly. “You mean so much more to so many people-“

“It’s a lie. I’m a lie. A fraud. A mimic. I’m always whatever anyone wants me to be. And I’m never what they think I am. Eventually, that wears off. Everyone always sees the real me in the end. Even me. And the truth is,” he chuckled derisively. “I’m nothin but snake oil.”

“I don’t think it’s that simple.”

“I was only ever what they made me. They built me. They used me, and they broke me, over and over. Everything I am, everything I’ve done, everything I have, belongs to them. They threw me away, and I still belong to them. I’m a changeling. They stole a child and replaced it with a monster. And I’ll never be what that child was meant to be.”

They stared at each other in silence. Liam mulled over Ty’s words, sifting through them and putting them together. Piecing out what he was saying. Figuring out what he was talking about. What he was telling him. 

“Does it matter?” He finally asked. “No point in crying over spilled milk or wasted potential. Does any of it matter here and now? You’ll be forty next year, yeah? Your crazy old grandad just hit ninety, and from what I hear, he’s still as spry as any of us. So by my reckoning, you’re not even halfway done with your life. I made you an offer, once. To start over.”

“Lie on a beach all day, drinking and fucking.” Ty smiled a little and looked over at Preston, still playing with Julian like a couple of carefree children, instead of scarred war veteran assassins. “You got what you wanted.” 

“You could too. You nearly do. You’ve got to run that outpost for the company, but that’s barely even a part time job. You can do as you please. Who cares what you were meant to be or could’ve been? There’s so much you can still be! So, you’re broken? Okay. All the better. You get to decide how to rebuild yourself this time.”

“You say that like it’s easy.” Ty’s voice was a strangled whisper. Desperate to believe it. He was always so tempted to believe Liam’s prettiest lies. The ones that felt possible if he just closed his eyes and let them be true. 

“It can be. You just have to keep going. Julian likes to compare you to a shark. Well, most sharks suffocate if they stop moving. You have to move. You can’t just stay down.” Liam was beginning to sound desperate, himself. “You can’t just lie down and die now that you’re finally free.”

“A dog off its leash.” Ty murmured. “You’re the one who made that comparison, before. Said without a master, I’d just curl up and let myself die.”

“Prove. Me. Wrong.”

“Liam! I need back up!” Preston’s voice rang out, and both of them turned to see him tangled up in a rather impressive wrestling hold. 

“Go save your man. I’m alright.” Ty went back to his sandcastle as though their conversation hadn’t happened at all. Liam spent a second to eye him dubiously, before scampering off to give his boyfriend an unfair advantage. 

Eventually, Ty retreated back to the blankets and flopped down next to Cameron. He grabbed one of the wine bottles and a sleeve of crackers. 

“Are you having a happy birthday?”

“I am, yes.” Cameron smiled. “Are you feeling any better?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“That’s alright. At least it’s a nice day, yeah?” Cameron refilled his own wine and repositioned himself to face Ty better. “You know my favorite thing about moving down here?”

“All of the everything about it?” Ty deadpanned, smiling a little as Cameron giggled. 

“No, besides that.” He snorted and laughed again. His cheeks were red and his eyes bright. He was delightfully wine drunk, and obviously very happy. “My birthday is in the spring now! My whole life, it was right as school started, and even after I finished school, it’s that time of year when the weather is all wonky. Especially in the Midwest.” 

“Also, you’re a Virgo. That can’t be easy.” The more he made Cameron laugh, the lighter he felt. 

“Shut up!” Cameron poked him in the ribs, grinning. “What’s yours, what are you, when’s your birthday? Tell me.” He poked him again. “Tell me.”

Ty laughed and swatted at Cameron’s hand. “May! My birthday is May twenty-seventh! I was actually born in the spring.” 

“Of course you’re a fucking Gemini!” Cameron’s screech startled the three men farther down the beach, who all paused in their scuffling to stare at him, blinking owlishly. The looks on their faces set Ty and Cameron into another fit of giggles. 

Cameron laid back and closed his eyes, stretching slightly, draping his legs over Ty’s lap. Ty chuckled and squeezed his ankle. “Gettin sleepy there, drunky?” 

“Mmm. Gettin comfy. The blondes sold you out, you know.” Ty raised an eyebrow, wondering what on earth Preston and Liam could’ve told Cameron that would put that grin on his face. “I know you’re a cuddler!” They both cracked up again. 

“Those bastards!” Ty whispered in mock outrage. He settled down onto the blankets, keeping Cameron’s legs hooked over his as he curled against his side. Cameron made a pleased little sound and took Ty’s arm and pulled it around his waist. Ty’s giggle turned into a contented sigh as Cameron began playing with his hair. 

“I never thought I’d have all this, you know? I thought my life was just how it was going to be forever.” Cameron rambled, almost distractedly. His tongue loose with wine and sleep and comfort. “I made the most of it. Muddling through. Bouncing back and forth between fucking men who reminded me of my father, and wondering if I was worth more than that. And I was fine with it, really. That’s the first thing Julian noticed about me, you know. He said I seemed content.” Cameron laughed. 

“But you weren’t?” Ty tilted his head as Cameron began scratching gently at the nape of his neck, and made a mental note to include him in a Sidewinder cuddle pile some time. 

“I was. I just shouldn’t have been.” Cameron snorted derisively. “When I was little, I convinced myself that everyone’s family was like mine, and nobody talked about it. And when I got older and realized it wasn’t true, I still... I dunno. I guess I just figured, it was still my life, and it was just how it was supposed to be. Then when my parents died... hm. It was familiar. Ya know? Being ignored, and used, and pushed away. I was used to it. Trying or hoping for anything better, just seemed... terrifying.” He started laughing again. 

“What’s so funny?”

“When Julian and I first started seeing each other... everyone asked me, even he asked me, if I was afraid of him. And I kept saying no, and they all kept being shocked. And I wasn’t, not in the way they were asking. But I didn’t know how to explain, that what truly scared me about Julian, was how much he liked me. How good he was to me. It was terrifying. I had no idea what to do with that.” 

“But you stuck with it anyway? Pushed through it, and held onto something good, even if it was scary?”

“Hm? Oh, god no. I worked myself into a tizzy and dumped his ass at the first sign of trouble.” 

Ty couldn’t stop the high pitched giggle that escaped him. “How did he convince you to take him back?”

“The bastard bled out in my arms at my work, and was dead for six months!”

“Oh, that’s a dick move. I mean, I’m a little impressed, but also, what a bitch!”

“I know, right? But I’m glad I took him back. I don’t think anyone has ever loved me this much. I think a part of me still believes that my father loved me. In his own...” Cameron sighed. “I think he thought he loved me. He always said he did. Well. I mean. Sometimes he said so. I mean, I know he said it at least once or twice.”

“Did he call you a good boy?” Ty murmured, not even sure he’d spoken out loud. 

“Yeah. He said stuff like that all the time. In that way that told me, he loved me, but it was conditional. He loved me. As long as I earned it. You know, Julian once told me the reason I had such a low opinion of myself was because I’d been fucking the wrong people. He barely knew me at that point. And he was so sure that everyone else was the problem. It couldn’t possibly just be true. He was the first man to look at me and see more than a disposable convenience. It was so jarring at first.”

Ty’s heart pounded in his throat. He squeezed his arm tighter around Cameron and pressed his face against his side. “I think you might be the strongest person I know.” He told him quietly. “How do you do that? How do you walk out the other side of trauma, and just say ‘Well, that sucked’, brush yourself off, and just move on?”

“Well... What other choice is there?”

They didn’t talk more for a while. Just laid in the sun, listening to the water, and the birds, and the boys. Eventually, they heard them head back up the beach, and a lilting voice called out,

“What the hell is this?!” The ‘jealous outrage’ would’ve been more convincing if Julian wasn’t laughing so hard. 

“You get to wrestle with Preston, I get to cuddle with Ty. It’s part of the marriage contract.”

“Is that so?”

“You could always join us, instead of being sassy about it.” Ty pointed out. 

And so, the five of them napped on the beach for a while. As the sun got ready to set, Ty and Liam built a fire while Cameron and Preston prepared dinner, and Julian did as he was told and stayed out of the way. They passed the evening much as they had the whole day. Eating and drinking and laughing. At some point, Julian and Preston, and Ty and Liam realized that they each had a veritable catalogue of embarrassing stories about each other from their respective days in the service. 

Late into the night, a chiming noise sounded from Cameron’s phone.

“Alright!” He announced. “It’s midnight! My birthday is officially over. It is now just any other day. Which means, Ty has to come up with a new excuse to not tell us what’s going on.”

Ty stared at him for a moment, jaw dropped, and chest swelling with pride at the display of pure conniving audacity. It was quickly mixed with anxiety, but it felt much easier than the last few times he’d explained the situation. 

“Do they know about what you told me earlier?” Ty asked Cameron quietly. 

“You mean, about my father?” Julian’s eyes sharpened at that, and he wrapped his arms a little tighter around Cameron who was sitting back against his chest. “Yeah. They know.” 

Ty nodded, and Cameron smiled softly at him, like he knew what Ty was going to say. Ty very specifically did not look at any of the others. Especially not Liam. He held Cameron’s gentle empathetic gaze and returned his smile with no small amount of sorrow. 

“My own dad is a great guy. A really good man. But his friends... not so much. One of them tried to kill your husband. Another tried to kill mine. Another tried to kill me.” He took a shaky breath. “And all three of them...” He shook his head. “I was a little kid when it started. And it was just a few days a year. My mind didn’t know what to make of it. How to process it all. So, it just didn’t. It shut down. Blocked it out. They drugged me a lot, so that helped. I repressed it all. Locked it away in a dark corner of my head and forgot about it. But a couple months ago... I started to remember.”

“The one thing Nick and I always agreed on.” Liam whispered, voice rough and dangerous. “We both hatedthe way Burns treated you. The way you reacted to him. I always thought your relationship was fucked up, but I...” Liam hissed something in Russian that Ty only vaguely recognized. 

“That’s more or less what Nick said.” Ty nodded.

“The others know?”

“Everybody knows.” The words came out a broken whisper, and he felt a tear fall down his cheek. “Did your mother know?” He asked Cameron. 

“Yeah. I’m not sure if she always did, or if she figured it out at some point. But, she always looked at me like... like it wasn’t just my fault, but like I had seduced him or something. Like she was jealous of me.”

“She blamed you.” Ty nodded, understanding. “She couldn’t face the fact that she married a monster and couldn’t protect her own child. If it was all your fault, then that solved both problems.”

“That’s mostly my theory these days, yeah.” 

“My cousin...” Ty sniffed, not even trying to stop himself from crying. “They went after his son. And he... I think he just felt helpless. He couldn’t protect his kid. He couldn’t go after the men who hurt him. So, the only people he could lash out at were the man who introduced them, and the man who...” he choked on a sob, only barely registering someone’s hand on his arm. 

“You told me once,” Liam murmured quietly. “How much your brother and your cousins looked up to you. How much that meant to you. And then earlier, what you said, today. Tyler,”

Ty shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, but Liam gripped his arm and took his face in his other hand. 

“Beaumont, look at me. Please, darling.” When Ty opened his eyes, Liam smiled at him and shook his head. “You are not a disappointment. None of this is your fault. And you know that. You didn’t fail them. You didn’t let him down. You couldn’t have stopped it. And now- wait. Is this the cousin whose wife was pregnant back when we were together?”

Ty let out a surprised laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, I didn’t think of that. Cooper was born... not too long after that all went down.”

“Right. I remember how excited you were. He was the first of the next generation. Just like you. You loved that kid before he was even born. Because that’s who you are. The man who puts family above everything. The man who loves and cares and protects with everything he has.”

“It’s not enough.”

“Nothing ever is.” Ty looked back at Julian, who simply shrugged with a wry smile. “It’s not about perfection. It’s about doing all you can. No more, no less.”

“But I should be-“

“You know,” everyone startled a little as Preston spoke for the first time in the conversation. “One of these days, your god complex, your martyr complex, and your self loathing, need to sit down and sort out all the bullshit in your head. Because this game of hot potato they seem to be playing with your ptsd is getting rather exhausting, and I’m not even in it.”

Ty gaped at him, moving his mouth, but unable to form words. Preston raised an eyebrow at him. 

“I mean... he has a point.”

“I also have another point. Really, it’s more of a question. A few questions. To clarify what you alluded to a minute ago, Randal Jonas was one of the men who abused you?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Preston.” Julian murmured. “Perhaps that part can wait until morning.”

“Perhaps not.” Ty countered, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Three men. Nick killed one. Zane killed another. And the third...”

“I thought you killed him.”

“I shot at him. Bullet proof glass, remember? Caused a bit of a hassle.”

“The company said...” The blood drained from Ty’s face. “That he was shot resisting arrest. They never said he died. There was a memorial service with an urn. He was alive when Julian and I left Burns’ office. I never saw a body.”

“Because there wasn’t one.” Julian confirmed softly. “We weren’t convinced he was gone. We put feelers out. After this past spring, we dug a little harder. Wanted to be sure.”

“Do you know where he is?” Ty’s voice was steady and strong for the first time in a long time. 

“Yes. We’ve kept our distance since he seemed to be more interested in hiding out with his retirement money than anything else. There was no point in going after him if he wasn’t coming after us. But we keep an eye.”

“If you want to go after him, that’s more than your right. But you’re not going alone.” Liam was quick to insist. “We’ll take you to him, but we won’t give you his location just so you can slip off without backup.”

“And no one is doing anything at all until morning.” Cameron interjected. “We’re gonna head back up home. We’re all going to drink some water, and get some sleep. When we get up, we will call Zane and the others, I’m guessing that they have no idea where you are right now, and that they’ll want in on this. Rational, intelligent, cautious plans will be made for the next course of action. There’s no time crunch on this one. You’re on the offensive this time. Which means you can afford to be smart and careful.” 

Ty only hesitated for a moment before agreeing. Cameron was right. They could take their time with this. Be sure to do it right. 

For the first time in months, Ty felt a little like himself again. 

He had a mission. 

He had a target.


	8. Chapter 8

There wasn’t much need for introductions. Digger and Owen hadn’t met Cameron yet, but that was it. The boys were equal parts exhausted and twitching to go. There was a lot to plan, to learn, to organize, and do. Zane’s main concern was Ty. As soon as he arrived at the farmhouse, he made a beeline for his husband, gathering him up in his arms and holding him close.

“How are you?” He asked softly. He couldn’t bring himself to say and ask the hundreds of things swirling in his mind.

“I’m okay. Relatively speaking. I have a mission. I’m good.” Ty’s voice was steadier than it had been in a while.

They ate dinner and discussed preliminary courses of action. They were taking it slow, like Cameron suggested. They weren’t going to let anything go wrong or leave anything to chance.

They relaxed a bit as the evening wound down. Finding their footing and understanding their trajectory. Setting things aside for the moment to settle and catch up, and figure out sleeping arrangements.

The house had two guest rooms and the cottage had one. Owen and Digger didn’t mind bunking together, and they were the least likely to throttle Liam in such close quarters for an extended period of time.

“Oh.” Julian looked over at Zane. “Should I lock up the liquor cabinets?” Before Zane could bite out a rather angry reply, Julian raised his hands and shook his head. “Honest question made in friendship. I’m Irish, he’s a sommelier, and this is a grape and barley farm. There is _a lot_ of booze in this house. I’m only wondering what would make you more comfortable.”

Zane relaxed and smiled, shaking his head. “No, I’ll be alright. Thank you.”

When they all turned in for the night, Ty wrapped himself around Zane as soon as they were settled in their borrowed bed. He was freshly showered, his hair damp and his skin warm. Ty breathed in the scent of him and exhaled a shuddering breath.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“I forgive you.” Zane answered quietly. He couldn’t bring himself to tell him he shouldn’t apologize or that it was okay. He scared everyone out of their minds, running off like that with barely a word. It was selfish and foolish, and he shouldn’t have done it. But it was also understandable and easy to forgive. And Zane could forgive Ty just about anything.

“It helped. If that’s any consolation.” Ty pressed his lips to Zane’s shoulder. “Even before I learned... it was already helping, just being here.” When Zane turned in his arms to face him, Ty kissed his nose. “No one has said how things are back home. I’ve been afraid to ask. I checked in with Dr Maji after I called you, but that was it.”

“Your parents are sorting things out. They’ll be alright as soon as the dust settles. Cooper’s doing alright. Liz kicked Elliot out of the house. Said he was only making Cooper more upset and stressed. Apparently, they had a hell of a fight that had to do with more than just all this. He’s staying with his parents.”

“Not with Trotter?” Ty asked, worried. Elliot was closer to his twin brother than anyone. Grady brothers were thick as thieves. Grady twins were inseparable. Ty had wondered if Earl was able to handle the betrayal of his brothers in arms because of the bond he still had with Griffin.

“No, Trotter, his wife, and their little ones are staying with Liz and Cooper. They figured it was better for him to stay home and maintain some stability and...”

“Normality?” Ty asked wryly, understanding completely.

“Yeah. Apparently, Elliot tried to go to their younger brother first, and- oh, I do not remember that man’s name.”

“Crawford.” Ty smiled. He had a feeling he knew exactly what Zane was about to say.

“Right. Well, from what I hear, he slammed the door right in Elliot’s face after reading him the riot act.” They both chuckled at that.

“Ford’s got a very strict moral code.” Ty explained. “He’s never put up with Elliot’s bullshit a day in his life. I love him, but El’s got a short temper, a big mouth, and less sense than god gave a hummingbird.”

“I noticed.” Zane growled, and then sighed and kissed Ty’s forehead. “Emma’s off... somewhere. Begging for grant money to go... elsewhere. I dunno, Kelly has the details. But anyway, what’s-his-name- Crawford! Ford. Right. He called Emma and told her everything, and then _she_ called Elliot, and yelled at him for twenty minutes. And when he hung up on her, she called their parents and demanded they put him on the phone. And then she yelled at him for _another_ twenty minutes.”

“Good lord!” Ty couldn’t help but laugh. “This all just pushed you right in the deep end of the Grady family drama dynamic, didn’t it?”

“I like your aunt. She called Mara and told her they were letting Elliot stay with them, but that didn’t mean they were condoning his behavior. Told her to let them know if she needed anything.”

“Aunt Tanya’s good people. Mellow, but strong, you know? A bit like your dad and your sister.” He closed his eyes and pressed their foreheads together. “This is all such a mess.”

“You don’t have to sort out all of it, you know? One thing at a time. You came here because you knew you needed to get away. So be here. We’ll work on a game plan, and just... take some time to relax.”

“If you say the V word, I’ll punch you.”

“I wouldn’t dare.” Zane kissed him softly.

“Hey, I was thinking.”

“A terrifying sentence. What about?”

“Ha ha, you’re funny. The wedding ceremonies for our families. We can do something in West Virginia on my birthday, and something in Texas on your birthday. Let our families do things in their own styles. I’d rather your mother not run wild and crazy with it, but...” he shrugged. “I don’t know, it seemed like a good idea. And then we can have everyone over to our place for next Christmas. Row house is a little small, but we could figure something out. To be honest, I was thinking about that too.”

Zane stared at him for a moment, before grinning so big, it lit up the dark room. “I think all of that sounds perfect. I love it.” He kissed him again, this time a little more soundly. “What were you thinking about the house?”

“That it’s small. That when I first thought of the bookshop, I’d planned for us to move there. But then all the rest of it happened. And maybe... Maybe we should get a place that’s ours. A place that’s... bigger.”

“Bigger?” Zane’s eyebrow arched up.

“Big enough. For... more than just us.” Ty’s eyes squeezed shut and he sighed harshly. “I know that it’s ridiculous to be thinking about this right now, but I just-“

Zane cut him off with another kiss, holding his face in his hands and licking into his mouth fervently.

“Tell me what you’re thinking.” He whispered. “I’m loving it so far.”

Ty chuckled softly and opened his eyes. “I was thinking about how Kelly aged out of the system and had nowhere to go, and how Nick didn’t have any options beyond following one of his scumbag fathers, and how I was scared and needed to run away, and how Owen wanted more from life with no way to get it, and how Digger couldn’t find any place he fit in, and how Eli just wanted to make the world a better place.”

“You all ended up in the service because you didn’t have any better options?”

“More or less. It’s more complicated than that, overall. But... Kelly’s told us that, when kids age out of the system? They just get kicked out on their asses with nothing. So many end up in the military, and they’re some of the lucky ones!”

Zane nodded. He’d known plenty of people who’d grown up in foster care and landed on their feet. But he knew plenty who didn’t. “You want to... foster teenagers?”

“I was thinking of like... almost like a halfway house? High school juniors and seniors, who need life skills and help finding work and colleges. Who need a safety net and people they can trust.”

“I think that sounds wonderful. You know... we could still keep the townhouse, to. Either use it as a guest house for family, or a stepping stone for the kids to living on their own.”

Ty grinned at him, beaming, and kissed him, holding on to him as tight as he could. “I love you so much.” He whispered, his voice full of awe. “I’m so sorry for everything I’ve put you through. I’m so lucky to have you.”

“I could say the same. I _will_ say the same. I forgive you. Of course I will always forgive you. Because you always forgive me for everything _I_ put _you_ through. We’re partners. We take care of each other. I will always be grateful to have you in my life. I love you, Beaumont. Nothing will ever change that.”

They kissed again, and this time felt like something was settling still, deep inside them. The tension easing, and the frantic anxiety simmering down. Their legs tangled together and the slow, lazy movements of their hips rubbed their hardening cocks together.

“I’ve missed you.” Zane gasped. “Will you make love to me, doll? It’s been so long since I’ve had you inside of me.”

Ty moaned quietly and nodded. They shrugged out of their sleep pants and retrieved the lube from Zane’s kit. Ty took his time preparing him. Sloppy slow kisses as he knelt between his husband’s legs, pumping his fingers almost teasingly, stretching him out until Zane was panting with it.

“I love you.” He murmured as he finally pushed his cock into him. Just as slow, making them both feel every drag of their skin rubbing against each other. Sweet hot friction, spurred on by passionate intimacy. This was them. Their relationship. Their lives. Their language. Their marriage. Their love.

In the morning there would be battle plans and bickering. Friends, family, and the real world. A target to track. An enemy to confront. And maybe, if they were very lucky, a little bit of closure to be found.

But in that single moment. In the dark, tucked away in their borrowed bed. They could pretend all the world was just this.

~*~

They woke to someone tapping on the door. There was no real urgency to it, which only made Ty more curious.

“Are the boys in there with you?” Julian called in from the hallway.

“No.” Ty’s muffled voice responded from under his pillow. “We had the door shut all night.”

“Odd.”

As Julian’s footsteps retreated, Ty rolled out of bed and got dressed. Julian didn’t sound concerned, but he was right that it was odd for the cats to not be demanding breakfast by now.

He shuffled around the house, making various ‘come hither kitties’ noises. While exploring the second floor, he saw the guest room door was ajar. He pushed it open a bit more and peered inside.

Nick was asleep facing the door, Kelly’s arm around him, hugging his chest. A bit further down, curled up against his stomach, was a large ball of long orange fur. And stretched out along the pillow above their heads, was more orange fur, mixing almost comically with Nick’s ginger hair. Wesson’s eye opened, blearily looking over at Ty from where he’d nestled his face in the dip Nick’s head made in the pillow. He lifted his head and stared at Ty for a moment, tail twitching, before losing interest and turning to lick at Nick’s forehead.

Ty couldn’t keep his snickering contained any longer, and he watched Nick’s face shift in confusion as he slowly woke up.

“What the hell?” He grumbled, turning his head up and interrupting his new friend’s grooming attempts. “Who the fuck are you?” He growled, huffing in annoyance as Wesson simply continued his efforts at cleaning Nick’s face. When Nick moved his head to get away, he noticed Smith cuddled up next to him. “And who the fuck are _you_?” He asked. Smith looked up at him with a grumbling sound and yawned. “Are you the monsters I’ve heard so much about? You don’t seem very ferocious.”

“Baby, who are you talking to?” Kelly groused sleepily, his head poking up over Nick’s shoulder. “Oh! We have friends. I don’t think I’ve ever had this many gingers in bed with me.”

“Their names are Smith and Wesson. They appear to have claimed Nick.” Ty informed them from the doorway, grinning with amusement.

“They seem friendlier than advertised.” Kelly mused, teaching down to pet Smith.

“I wouldn’t do that!”

Ty’s warning came to late, and in a split second, a yowl was followed by a yelp, and Kelly was pulling his hand away from the angry pile of fluff and claws.

“What the fuck was that?!”

“I told you.” Ty laughed. “Go on, little demons, your father is putting together your breakfast.”

The cats both stood, stretching and yawning, before jumping down to the floor with two loud thuds. As they left the room, they twined themselves around Ty’s legs, purring loudly as they rubbed up against him and thwapped him with their tails.

“Why do they love you guys and hate me?!” Kelly asked, pouting.

“If it makes you feel better, they hate almost everyone. Nick brings the number of people they like up to three.”

“Why?!” Nick exclaimed. “Why do they always love me?!”


	9. Chapter 9

As far as secluded high security secret hideouts on remote islands went, Randall Jonas’s house was a little banal. One story. Picture windows. Stucco finished garden walls about fifteen feet high. Cutting edge surveillance equipment, but easily hack-able for Zane and Owen. Minimal security guard rotation. His routine was simple and predictable. 

Death had made him lazy and comfortable. He thought he was safe. He thought he didn’t have to worry. He didn’t know how vulnerable he was. 

The cameras, motion sensors, and security lights were the first and easiest part to take out. Then the security guards, one by one. Liam, Preston, and Owen in position with sniper rifles. Digger and Nick at the exits with a few surprises just in case. Kelly slipped in from the back, Jonas didn’t even see him enter the livingroom behind him. He looked up when Ty walked in from the front, Zane and Julian behind him, and stepping off to the sides. 

Jonas was surrounded before he even realized he should be worried. Ty let himself enjoy the shock and fear on his face. The moment was everything he’d hoped it would be. 

“Hey, Uncle Randy.” He said casually. “How’ve you been?”

“Tyler.” Jonas said carefully, putting down his book and sitting up on the couch. “It’s good to see you, son.” He looked at Zane warily, his face going pale when he spotted Julian. He jumped slightly when he finally noticed Kelly lurking behind him. “I’m well. All that unfortunate business in DC, it was best that I just...” He cleared his throat. “I had no idea Dick had involved you in all that. I’m so sorry, my boy.” He glanced around Julian again. “It was such a.... messy situation.”

Ty’s face twitched at the endearments, his blood running fast and cold. “Yeah. That was obnoxious. Not really why I’m here, though.”

“It’s part of why _I’m_ here.” Julian offered. 

“It’s part of why he’s here.” Ty nodded, pointing askance at Julian. “But not really the main purpose of the visit.”

“I’m guessing it’s not a social call.” 

Ty narrowed his eyes at him. He looked different. Older. Less impressive. Less intimidating. Less... just _less_. Seeing the boogeyman in the light was a jarring experience. Ty couldn’t help but laugh a little. 

“I was in New Orleans during the hurricane. The flood. Did you know that? I think you knew that.”

“Yes. Your daddy told me how proud he was of the rescue work you did.”

“Don’t talk about my dad.” Ty snapped. He took a slow breath before continuing. “It was insane. Frantic. You don’t realize how similar it is to combat. Except there’s no enemy to fight. Nothing you can do but help as many people as you can, and try to keep from drowning.” He sniffed and shook his head, his voice soft and wavering. “You just do what you can and hope everything holds long enough for you to survive. But when the levee breaks, there’s nothing you can do. Sink or swim. That’s all that’s left.” 

“Tyler, son, what is this about?”

“Don’t fucking call me that!” Ty shouted. He took a breath and steadied himself. Wiping his eyes and pulling his gun from its holster. He didn’t point it. Just held it at his side. “There’s a million things I thought I wanted to ask you. But now that I’m here, all I really need from you is... Why me? Why Cooper? Why betray my father like that? He was your brother. How could you do that to him?”

Recognition sparked in Jonas’s eyes as he understood what Ty was talking about. A cruel smile twisted over his face. “You know... we always thought you forgot about all that. Jack said when he and Dick trained you for honeypots, you acted like they’d never touched you before.” He chuckled, and Ty could hear Zane growling. “I’ll admit, I was almost tempted to help with that. But you were far too old for my tastes by then.“

Ty glared at him, focusing on his breathing. “He trusted you.”

“Exactly.” Jonas laughed. “That’s what made it so easy. Earl was always such a good friend. Reliable. Honest. Trusting. All we ever had to do was ask. Back in Nam, he jumped out of a helicopter because Dick told him too, and didn’t bother to ask why until we were all on the ground. Friends like that are hard to come by. And so goddamn easy to use.”

“He’s not wrong.” Liam muttered over the com in Ty’s ear.

“Shut up.” Digger responded. 

“So that was it? Convenience?” 

Jonas shrugged. “Honest men are easy to manipulate. Just like wide eyed little boys who’ll do anything for a pat on the head.” He winked at Ty and Zane took a step forward. 

“It’s okay, Garrett.” Ty said softly, holding his hand out. “We’re just talking.” He tensed as Jonas turned his attention on Zane. 

“We never got to meet. Jack always had good things to say about you. Dick told me you were taking a bite out of our leftovers. But then, he said you always had a thing for cheap whores.”

“Shut your mouth.” Zane was seething through clenched teeth. But Ty told him to stay put. So he would. No matter how much he wanted to rip Jonas’s head off with his bare hands. 

“He gives it up so pretty, doesn’t he?” Jonas grinned at Zane, smelling blood in the water. “He fights at first sometimes, pretends he doesn’t want it. You’ve just gotta know how to handle him. Grady boys only respect a firm hand. Once you show them who’s boss, they’re so eager for it. You grew up on a ranch, right? Breaking a bitch isn’t much different from breaking a horse.” 

“That’s enough.” Ty said sharply as Zane’s fists clenched, fingernails cutting into the palms of his hands. “You have _no idea_ how to handle me. I was a little kid, and you _still_ had to drug me, manipulate me, and tie me down just to control me. You chose your best friend’s kid because it was easy. You’re a coward, and a lazy one at that. Shooting fish in a barrel and calling yourself a hunter.” Ty scoffed. 

“Is that how you see yourself? Some poor little fish that got picked off, never had a chance?” Jonas shook his head. “How much do you remember?”

“I remember enough.”

“Do you remember crawling into my lap? Such a sweet little thing. So desperate to please. Begging us to let you practice. Do you remember the first time you managed to deep throat without gagging? You were so excited and proud of yourself. So happy.”

“I was _nine years old._ ” Ty hissed. His breathing was growing ragged, but his voice was steady and his vision was clear. 

“You knew what you were doing. You knew what you wanted.” Jonas stood and everyone shifted. “And you always wanted it.”

“Grady, this is your show.” Preston said gently in his ear. “Your kill if you want it, how you want it done. Just know that I have a clear shot at this scumbag’s head.”

“Same.”

“Same.”

Ty shook his head slowly, deliberately, signaling the snipers to hold. “You really believe that? You’re that delusional? You brainwashed a little kid, and you think-“

“ _Brainwashed_? That’s a little harsh, don’t you think, baby boy?”

Ty grimaced, planting his feet as Jonas walked around the coffee table. Kelly moved forward, Julian and Zane repositioning as well. Ty didn’t budge. Jonas was standing only a few feet away from him. Ty was taller than him. When had that happened? How had he never noticed? “What would you call it?” He asked softly. He felt a strange sense of calm wash over him. 

“Showing you who you are. You loved everything we taught you. Even when you fought us at first, it was just because you were scared. We never forced anything on you that you didn’t _beg_ for later. You wanna play the victim and pretend you were some innocent little angel, just so your white knight doesn’t know you’re nothing but a slut with a gun, that’s fine. But you and I both know the truth.”

“I think your reality doesn’t fully match up with ours.” Ty responded slowly. Time seemed to stop. Even in his head. Everything just... came to rest. He looked at this man who used to mean so much to him. This man he had loved and admired. This man who was responsible for so much of who he was. 

“Six?” Nick’s voice in his ear. A man he loved and admired. Ty thought about all the men who came here with him. Zane, standing at his side. Again. Still. Always. Even when he disagreed with him. Even when he was mad at him. Even when he hated him. Even when...

“Maybe you’re right.” Ty smiled. He laughed, giving a little shrug. “Maybe... maybe I was always going to be exactly who I am. Sex and death. Lies. Violence. The hallmarks of my personality. It’s not all I am, but even if it was.” He laughed again. “Who cares? Who cares if I’m worthless used up cold blooded trash?”

“You’re not-!” Zane choked out. 

“But what if I was? Would you care?” He turned to look at Zane, confident in all the eyes still on Jonas. “If I was _nothing_ but a liar, a murderer, and a whore. Just a toy that someone else broke. If that was _true_. Would you still love me? Would you still want me? If I was nothing, would I still be _yours_?”

Zane cocked his head, staring at him for a moment before smiling. “Yes. I love you as a talented, brave, intelligent, hero. And I would love you just as much if you were a manipulative crack whore serial killer.”

They both laughed, and Jonas scoffed. “Like that counts for-“

“Shut up.” Ty ordered. He felt something shift inside him. Under his feet. Like the world righting itself after being tilted for so long. “No one cares what you have to say. You don’t know us. You don’t know me.” He stepped forward, a little closer to him now. 

“I _built_ you, boy.” Jonas growled. 

“Yes. You did. But it doesn’t matter. Because I get to decide what to do with it. I’ve got my whole life ahead of me. _Cooper_ has his _whole life ahead of him_. And you?” He snorted and shrugged, shaking his head as he cocked his gun. “Julian, would you like to assist?”

“Honored and delighted.” 

Before Jonas could so much as flinch, a bullet tore through his leg. He screamed in pain and dropped to his knees. Ty closed the distance between them and shoved the barrel of his gun in Jonas’s mouth. Taking only a second to savor the fear in his eyes, he pulled the trigger. 

Everything was quiet. No one said a word. Ty stared at the body and the blood. Everyone else stared at Ty. Digger and Nick slowly made their way into the livingroom. Nick and Zane shared a glance, and Nick approached Ty, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“You good, babe?”

Ty didn’t respond at first. But a slow, genuine smile began to spread over his face. 

“Yeah. I’m good. Thanks. For, like... everything.” He cleared his throat and raised his voice a little. “All of you. I mean it. Thank you.”

“Let’s go home.”

“Pack up and move out, boys!”

“Aye aye, Gunny!”

“Flight back’s not until tomorrow. We just gonna sleep til then?”

“I want some hot chocolate.”

“You got it, doll.”

~*~

It was the strangest feeling. Adrenaline buzzing in his veins. His skin practically vibrating with it. But he was the calmest he’d ever been. Happy. Content. He knew this didn’t fix everything. He knew better than most that recovery was a lifelong process. He would dream about a cabin in the woods the same way he dreamt about a cage in the desert. But now he only dreamt of sand, and soon he would only dream of trees. And every time he woke up screaming, he would be waking up in Zane’s arms. 

The hotel room was small and simple. Classy and clean in that way modern tourist hotels often were. The door closed, and they kicked off their shoes, and Ty took Zane’s face in his hands and kissed him for all he was worth. Without worrying about how much that actually was. 

Their clothes came off slowly as they took their time feeling every inch of each other. They managed to make it to the bed, limbs tangled, giddy laughter spilling out between kisses. 

When Zane eventually pushed inside of him, Ty gasped softly and pushed his head back a bit to look him in the eyes, fingers combing through his hair, smiling adoringly. 

“I’m a Marine. I’m an entertainer. I’m an abuse survivor. I’m a crazy cat lady. And I’m yours.”

Zane returned the smile, brushing his nose against Ty’s without breaking eye contact. 

“I’m an artist. I’m a shopkeeper. I’m an addict. I’m a nerd with a knife fetish. And I’m yours.”

They spent the night making love until they fell asleep. Then waking up and going again. Reminding themselves and each other that they were who they had always been, and always would be. They would never leave each other alone in the dark. 

~*~

Stumbling up the steps of his childhood home, Ty wrapped his arms around his father and held him as tight as he could. Earl closed his eyes, holding his son close. 

“I’m sorry, Beaumont. I’m so sorry.”

“I forgive you.”

No one bothered them. Letting them take all the time they needed. 

“I don’t know how to make this right.”

“You don’t have to.”

Ty pulled back and sat down on one of the porch chairs. Earl sat next to him, and they both just looked out at the trees for a while. 

“I’m proud of you, son. I always have been.”

“I’ve always been so scared of disappointing you.” Ty admitted quietly. “I know I’m not what you wanted me to-“

“Now wait just a minute there.” Earl interrupted gently, holding his hand up. “Now. There are a lot of things about you that I don’t understand. That I never counted on. There’s a lot about you that I never expected or planned on. When your mama first told me she was pregnant, I imagined what my child would be like. What my life as a father would look like. And I was right about some of it. Dead wrong about most of it.” He chuckled at that, and Ty have a weak laugh. 

“Is this supposed to make feel better?” 

“You are not the man I ever _thought_ you would be. But you are every bit the man I _wanted_ you to be. You are an intelligent, courageous, kind hearted, _good_ man. You treat others fairly and with all the respect they’re due. When something needs doing, you give it your all. The first to step up, and the last to go home.”

Ty sniffed, wiping his face with his sleeve. He didn’t bother trying to hide the fact that he was crying. And Earl didn’t try to mask the croak in his voice or the tears in his own eyes. 

“I’ve done terrible things.” Ty whispered. “I’ve hurt people. I’ve... I’m a bad man.”

“Yeah, well, me too.” Earl shrugged. “Doesn’t mean you cant still be a good man, too. It’s not a zero sum game, kiddo. We do wrong. We try to do better. Wrong is done to us. We try to keep going. I’ve disagreed with a lot of choices you’ve made. But I have _never_ been disappointed in you.”

“I’m proud of you too, you know. And I don’t blame you. For anything. Not really. I won’t say you never fucked up. But you didn’t fail me. I love you, dad.”

“I love you too, Ty.” Earl reached out and patted Ty’s arm, squeezing it gently. They sat for a few more minutes before Mara came outside. 

“Can I have a minute with our son, please?” She asked, smiling softly. When Earl stood and nodded, she gave him a kiss on the cheek. “He forgives you, I forgive you.” She whispered. He let out a small sigh of relief and nodded, heading into the house to give them some privacy. 

Ty cocked his head, watching her as she bypassed the vacated chair and perched on the railing instead, leaning against the post there. 

“What if I hadn’t forgiven him? What if I decided it was all his fault and hated him forever?”

“Well. That would’ve been up to you, I suppose.” 

“I’m okay.” He said softly. “I promise.”

“I know. I can always tell when you don’t mean it.”

“Why let me lie?” 

“If you could or wanted to talk about it, you’d be honest in the first place. Forcing it outta ya never did any good.”

Ty snorted. “Tell that to my subconscious.” He muttered, grinning when that pulled a laugh out of her. 

“The human mind can only hold so much bullshit. Eventually some of it has to come out.”

“Makes you wonder what mine was making room for.”

“Parenthood.” She grinned at him with an almost evil glee, and Ty was overcome with a deep understanding of the terror people felt when he made that face. 

“I’m not afraid.” He said, voice calm and genuine. “Because I figured it out.”

“Figured what out?”

“Who I am.”

“And who’s that?”

“You.” He chuckled as she rolled her eyes. “No, listen. I... They built me. That’s true enough. But they built me from parts they stole from _you_. And then they broke me, and the Marines rebuilt me. And I was broken again, and rebuilt, and over and over, and now I’m broken again. But... every time... and whatever comes next... everything I am... no matter _what_ I am. It’s all still pieces of you. So, I know I’m gonna be okay. I know I’m strong, because you’re the strongest person I know. And I _know_ I’m gonna be a good dad. Because...” He huffed a laugh and waved his hands in her direction. 

“Made it this far, didn’t we?” She chuckled. 

He stood up and took her hand, lifting it to press a kiss to her knuckles, and all the little scars there that he only knew half the stories for. She laughed and pulled him closer, wrapping him up in her arms like she’d always done his whole life. 

“We’re Beaumonts.” He whispered. “We’re tough.”


	10. Epilogue

** May 2014 **

Ty straightened the collar of his plaid button up and rolled the sleeves to his elbows. Looking in the mirror of his childhood bedroom, he took a moment to contemplate every person he’d been throughout his life. He wasn’t sure if he liked all of them. But this one was pretty good.

He picked up the flower crown Mara and Amelia made. Rhododendron and lily of the valley. Livi had sprayed it with something that was supposed to preserve it. It was beautiful. He placed it on his head and grinned in the mirror. 

When he made his way outside, the yard was full of people. Friends and family. A few of them saw him approach, and he was besieged with hugs. He and Zane had come up just before Christmas, but had only seen a few people. 

Elliot wasn’t there, but no one expected him to be. Ty spotted Liz and Cooper sitting at one of the tables, chatting with Zane. He paused, just watching for a moment. His husband looked so happy and relaxed. Leaned back with a mason jar full of blackberry tea in his hand and his own flower crown perched on his head. He looked at home here. 

Before he could walk up to them, Mara called them all to the edge of the yard, a collection of chairs facing an ivy covered archway at the tree line. The church pastor stood there, and Ty felt his eyes begin to water. His mother told him that he’d agreed, but seeing him standing there was something else. Ty never in his life would’ve imagined a West Virginia pastor officiating a gay wedding. 

The service itself was rather short. Standard vows. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health. To have and to hold. Honor and cherish. Do you take this man? Will you love him forever? 

“I do. Yes. I do.”

“I always have and I always will.”

You may now kiss your husband. 

Ty and Zane smiled against each other’s lips as their audience clapped and cheered. 

The party went on through the night. Food and drinks, music and dancing. Multicolored fairy lights and wildflowers were strung up throughout the yard, and fire pits were set up along the other end. Chester had planted himself in front of one, sharing a jar of moonshine with Emma. They were soon joined by Kelly and Nick, and eventually Deuce as the smell of Kelly’s joint beckoned him over. Ty saw Cooper eyeing them curiously and flicked his ear. 

“Don’t even think about it!” He admonished. 

“Yeah, okay, Aunt Mara.” Cooper grinned, rubbing his ear. 

“Oh yeah!” Ty laughed. “Let her see you go over there. I _dare_ you!” Even still, he grabbed a mason jar and poured a tiny bit of spiked punch into it, handing it to his cousin. “No more than that, ya hear?” 

Cooper grinned and nodded, taking a sip, his nose scrunching. “Thanks Ty. And congratulations. And happy birthday. And.... thanks.”

He scampered off and Ty poured himself some sweet tea. They’d forgone a cake in favor of dozens of cupcakes and other pastries. He loaded up a plate of sweets from one table and barbecue from another, and made his way through the small crowd to his husband. 

~*~

** October 2014 **

Zane fussed with his cuff links as he listened to his mother triple checking every table and place card. As far as her parties went, it was rather understated. Annie and Harrison had enough input to keep it fun and simple. Zane laughed when he saw that the large tiered cake was topped with horse and tiger figurines. There were marigold centerpieces on the guest tables and yellow roses on the wedding party table. 

“Mother, relax. Everything is perfect.” He placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled. She looked up at him for a moment before pulling him into her arms. 

“Happy birthday, dear. You have no idea what it means to see you so happy. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“It’s all good now.” He said. “Make up for it with your grandchildren.”

“Oh! That reminds me!” She pulled away, looking around. “Where is she?”

Sixteen year old Bethany was Ty and Zane’s first foster child. She’d been with them since the end of July. Although she was growing to trust them more each day, she was still very skittish and incredibly shy. Zane wasn’t surprised that she liked the horses so much. It reminded him of Ty with the cats. 

“In the stables, last I saw. She’s taken a liking to Buttercup.”

“The other girls are about to start getting ready, she should join them.”

“Alright. Just be gentle with her, okay? She’s been through a lot.”

Soon, everything was ready. Guests began to arrive. And before they knew it, Beverly was calling everyone to take their seats.

Sadie was the first to walk down the aisle. Scattering yellow rose petals with a flourish, and taking a seat in the front row when she reached the end. Annie followed next, leather bound notebook in hand, and stepped up onto the platform, turning on her heal when she reached the center, to face everyone. Mark escorted Bethany next, and the two of them stepped off to Annie’s right. Joe and Marissa followed, stepping to her left. Zane walked down the aisle, arm in arm with Beverly, Ty and Harrison soon behind them. 

Zane’s parents sat down next to Sadie, and for the third time in almost two years, Ty and Zane found themselves face to face, reaffirming their love and commitment. 

“Dearly beloved, and people we don’t quite hate who give good gifts.” Annie announced, earning a few quiet chuckles as she read from her notebook. “We have gathered here to celebrate one of the strongest loves I have ever seen.”

Zane glanced at her as she spoke, but was too overwhelmed with emotion. Looking at Ty made it worse, but he couldn’t look away. 

“Zane Zachary Garrett. Do you accept this man, and all that comes with him? For better or worse, in laughter and nightmares, the genius and the ptsd. Do you promise to love him until you die?”

“I absolutely do.” Zane answered proudly. 

“Captain Beaumont Tyler Grady. Do you accept this man, and all that comes with him? For better or worse, in quiet days and gunfights, the romance and the alcoholism. Do you promise to love him until you die?”

“Definitely. Yes.” Ty grinned. 

“Well, then, by the power vested in me by absolutely no one, I remind you that you are already married. Kiss your husband, so I can have some cake.” She laughed and closed her book, tucking it under her arm so she could clap as they kissed on her command. 

~*~

** December 2014 **

The new rowhouse was perfect. Multiple bedrooms and open plan living areas. It even had a garden and a  _ garage _ . Ty balked a little at the cost, but Zane gently reminded him that they could more than afford it. And now he was extremely grateful. 

Sadie and Amelia were running back and forth, transferring cookies and mini pies from the kitchen counter to the dining table. Amelia only tripped twice, thankfully empty handed both times, and she got up and kept going without even brushing herself off, before anyone could so much as blink. There was gold and silver tinsel, pilfered from the tree, twisted messily in their hair. Ty grinned when he saw the same tinsel in Bethany’s hair as well. 

The entire morning had full of baking lessons. From Mara’s pies, to Beverly’s sugar cookies. Zane had legitimately choked up when his mother announced that they would be making them. It had been decades, but he still had fond memories of standing on a chair as a child, helping her and her mother make cookies. 

The house was full of chatting and laughter. Earl and Chester had almost immediately begun interrogating Mark about his military service. But all three of them were smiling, so no one worried too much. Annie, Livi, and Deuce had descended into an epic conversation about running private practices, that sounded more like a networking seminar than anything else. 

Harrison stood in the kitchen, mixing things when told to, taste-testing everything, and answering every question Bethany had about horses and ranching. 

Ty had never hosted a family holiday party before. But he was certain that this one was perfect. He was certain that this family was perfect. Ty took in all that he had, and all the good that was still to come, and smiled. 

With a future full of promise, the past was nothing but a distant memory.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185411642@N05/50398340202/in/dateposted-friend/)

**Author's Note:**

> This is the playlist I put together for the fic while writing it  
> [When The Levee Breaks Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4pGy1nEyWguJrG7X31cEiT?si=8b8PRiChSFitoviKTsljHw)  
> *  
> Comments welcome! I’m not looking for advice/concrit, but I would love to know what you think!
> 
> You can find me here :  
> [S Sgt Meow Mix](https://ssgtmeowmix.tumblr.com/)  
> And here :  
> [OnyxMoonStone](http://OnyxMoonStone.tumblr.com/)
> 
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